Fiction! Let's ruin that too!
Since Tiffany broke up with me 2 weeks ago I have escaped to the land of fiction. TV to be exact. Grey's anatomy...my favorite and only lesbian TV couple was giving me hope that maybe, just maybe it was possible to get back together after being broken up and be happy and live happily ever after...well, that lasted all of 7 episodes. Thank you so much for ruining that for me too. Well, my eye candy is still there so at least I have that...whatever it takes to get true these days...whatever it takes. You cope however you can and maybe one day it won't hurt so much.
Since fiction and real life are totally different, let's go back to my crappy life.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Shoes
Instead of getting a phone call today, I got an e-mail saying I have not been chosen to be interviewed on Friday for a job that was created ME in mind. Well, the requirements were about me anyway. If I can't get a job that I meet all the requirements for, what kind of job can I get then? I guess I was destined to be a cleaner. Or unemployed. Live from the handouts the government gives us, poor people. At least I can continue with my Grey's Anatomy marathon. And I can go help Elviira and Mikko move on Friday if they still need me. And go to my appointment on Friday. And hey, Celeste doesn't need to buy me those shoes just yet! If ever...
The list of how much people made last year is out in the open and there was a 2 page story on the local newspaper about the best earners in the area last year. I wasn't included in that...I wonder why? I said to my mom that it must be terrible to be on that list in a small town like this where everybody knows everybody and everybody is jealous of everybody. To have your finances public knowledge like that... people must have lot of new friends.
Since I didn't make the papers on that account, maybe I can make it by going to meet Päivi Räsänen tomorrow. She's gonna be in the new supermarket tomorrow, meeting people, trying to fish for votes...I don't think Forssa is big supporter of the Christian democratic party but who knows? Maybe she can get the homophobes to vote for her party. I don't think any good would come from me meeting her in this state of mind so I am gonna stay home and hope that there's another person in the area ready and willing to fry her. I might just be in the papers on Thursday if our paths crossed!
So there's an election in the states right now...from what I can understand, the Democrats are going to lose some seats. It's a shame that so many people can be persuaded to vote for Republicans by their hate spewing propaganda and that the political memory is so short term. It was republicans who made it possible for the economic recession to take place and people think that it can be reversed in short amount of time. Change for the worse is always quick, change for the better takes time. But who am I to care anymore? They can go all tea party right wing fundamentalist religious on themselves, see if I care? Let's put all the gays back in the closet, or better yet, why not out everybody like they do in Uganda? All the gays on newspaper with their names and pictures. Let's strip them from any basic human rights and convert them back into nice obedient catholics. Who cares if they can get married? Who cares if they can't sponsor their foreign partners? Who cares?
Palin, Palin 2012 for president! Scary...
The list of how much people made last year is out in the open and there was a 2 page story on the local newspaper about the best earners in the area last year. I wasn't included in that...I wonder why? I said to my mom that it must be terrible to be on that list in a small town like this where everybody knows everybody and everybody is jealous of everybody. To have your finances public knowledge like that... people must have lot of new friends.
Since I didn't make the papers on that account, maybe I can make it by going to meet Päivi Räsänen tomorrow. She's gonna be in the new supermarket tomorrow, meeting people, trying to fish for votes...I don't think Forssa is big supporter of the Christian democratic party but who knows? Maybe she can get the homophobes to vote for her party. I don't think any good would come from me meeting her in this state of mind so I am gonna stay home and hope that there's another person in the area ready and willing to fry her. I might just be in the papers on Thursday if our paths crossed!
So there's an election in the states right now...from what I can understand, the Democrats are going to lose some seats. It's a shame that so many people can be persuaded to vote for Republicans by their hate spewing propaganda and that the political memory is so short term. It was republicans who made it possible for the economic recession to take place and people think that it can be reversed in short amount of time. Change for the worse is always quick, change for the better takes time. But who am I to care anymore? They can go all tea party right wing fundamentalist religious on themselves, see if I care? Let's put all the gays back in the closet, or better yet, why not out everybody like they do in Uganda? All the gays on newspaper with their names and pictures. Let's strip them from any basic human rights and convert them back into nice obedient catholics. Who cares if they can get married? Who cares if they can't sponsor their foreign partners? Who cares?
Palin, Palin 2012 for president! Scary...
Monday, November 1, 2010
Daily dose of radiation
Oh, the day that I've been waiting for is finally here. You get poked, pinched, pulled and blown at and you leave with the feeling of guilt. They make you feel so guilty, just like when you were a kid. Although it was great back then, as soon as you left you bragged about it to your friends and competitors... Those who didn't have any, didn't understand. And it was a great way to get out of school. What am I talking about? The dentist, of course!
I made my appointment months ago and today was the lucky day. Public dental care is great, they are my best friends forever! Only bad thing is the waiting time but who cares? It's cheap and great! I do not miss the shark from Brooklyn who took $75-150 PER cavity or $400-600 for a root canal and who left my tooth blue! I may not see the insides of a dentist's office till late next January, but I'll take it when the most you have to pay per cavity is 40 euros! Root canal was about 60 euros and surgical removal of a tooth was about 60-75 euros. (We will not discuss the number of cavities I have or the fact that I may have to have my wisdom tooth taken out). I was trying to figure out how I'm gonna pay for my loan interests, my other bills, look for an apartment, pay for tickets to NYC to go get my stuff AND pay for all these procedures but I forgot how much less expensive the dental services are here. And besides...I don't have to worry about having that money anytime soon so I can win the lottery in the meantime for all I know! Or get a job...like the one that called today!
Just got off the phone with the ISS people. It's a job that was written about ME, at least as far as the requirements are concerned! She said they got over 200 applications, chose 10 for initial phone interviews, one of which was ME (!!!) and will call tomorrow if I'm in the final 5 they want to interview on Friday! So I might be going to Vantaa on Friday. But like with everything else in my life, let's not celebrate too early. I might just get an e-mail instead...
I won the lottery TWICE last week! Can you believe it? I made a wish list and it came through! Well parts of it anyway. Still waiting on the rest. But who can say they've been this lucky? I do need to specify my wishes though...I want the big main win, not the small ones. But I won't say no to the small ones either.
To go back to the dentist again...Why is it that a grown woman still feels guilty and ashamed after a dentist appointment? I think it's a course they take at school, "How to make your customer feel like crap 101". Seriously.
Dentist: You have a lot of cavities!
Jenni: I know.
D: Do you use dental floss?
J: No, but I use the small between teeth brush.
D: Do you wash with fluoride or use other mouth washes?
J: No.
D: Do you use Xylitol gum after you eat.
J: YES! (I'm doing something right!!!)
D: Well maybe it was time you started to think about what you are doing at home and what you eat and drink...and start doing those preventive measures at home so that you wouldn't have to see us so often.
J: Yeah, I should.
So, off to the store I go to get floss and mouth wash!
Learn from my mistakes people!
I made my appointment months ago and today was the lucky day. Public dental care is great, they are my best friends forever! Only bad thing is the waiting time but who cares? It's cheap and great! I do not miss the shark from Brooklyn who took $75-150 PER cavity or $400-600 for a root canal and who left my tooth blue! I may not see the insides of a dentist's office till late next January, but I'll take it when the most you have to pay per cavity is 40 euros! Root canal was about 60 euros and surgical removal of a tooth was about 60-75 euros. (We will not discuss the number of cavities I have or the fact that I may have to have my wisdom tooth taken out). I was trying to figure out how I'm gonna pay for my loan interests, my other bills, look for an apartment, pay for tickets to NYC to go get my stuff AND pay for all these procedures but I forgot how much less expensive the dental services are here. And besides...I don't have to worry about having that money anytime soon so I can win the lottery in the meantime for all I know! Or get a job...like the one that called today!
Just got off the phone with the ISS people. It's a job that was written about ME, at least as far as the requirements are concerned! She said they got over 200 applications, chose 10 for initial phone interviews, one of which was ME (!!!) and will call tomorrow if I'm in the final 5 they want to interview on Friday! So I might be going to Vantaa on Friday. But like with everything else in my life, let's not celebrate too early. I might just get an e-mail instead...
I won the lottery TWICE last week! Can you believe it? I made a wish list and it came through! Well parts of it anyway. Still waiting on the rest. But who can say they've been this lucky? I do need to specify my wishes though...I want the big main win, not the small ones. But I won't say no to the small ones either.
To go back to the dentist again...Why is it that a grown woman still feels guilty and ashamed after a dentist appointment? I think it's a course they take at school, "How to make your customer feel like crap 101". Seriously.
Dentist: You have a lot of cavities!
Jenni: I know.
D: Do you use dental floss?
J: No, but I use the small between teeth brush.
D: Do you wash with fluoride or use other mouth washes?
J: No.
D: Do you use Xylitol gum after you eat.
J: YES! (I'm doing something right!!!)
D: Well maybe it was time you started to think about what you are doing at home and what you eat and drink...and start doing those preventive measures at home so that you wouldn't have to see us so often.
J: Yeah, I should.
So, off to the store I go to get floss and mouth wash!
Learn from my mistakes people!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Halloween
Took a little walk today too and iCats was just as bad today as it was yesterday. I was too mad though to get misty eyed over it. Today I feel like hitting the crap out of someone. Body combat class would be awesome right about now...
This time last year I was dressed as Betty Rubble and Tiffany was Pebbles Flinstone...we went over to Billy and Amanda's to see Carly who was dressed up as a fish...the picture of Tiffany and Carly all dressed up was my wallpaper for a long time...it's gone now. Like everything else in my life. Afterwards we went to Tiffany's dads to hang out with her little sisters and we went trick or treating with them and their friends. Carly was just the cutest.
This will be Adriana's first halloween and I won't be there to see it. I'm sure JoJo has her in something fabulous. I asked Amanda what Carly was gonna be this year and was told she's a ladybug. She said she'll post pictures on FB so I can see. Can't wait!
So happy halloween people!
This time last year I was dressed as Betty Rubble and Tiffany was Pebbles Flinstone...we went over to Billy and Amanda's to see Carly who was dressed up as a fish...the picture of Tiffany and Carly all dressed up was my wallpaper for a long time...it's gone now. Like everything else in my life. Afterwards we went to Tiffany's dads to hang out with her little sisters and we went trick or treating with them and their friends. Carly was just the cutest.
This will be Adriana's first halloween and I won't be there to see it. I'm sure JoJo has her in something fabulous. I asked Amanda what Carly was gonna be this year and was told she's a ladybug. She said she'll post pictures on FB so I can see. Can't wait!
So happy halloween people!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Music
I either have a horrible taste in music or my iCats is seriously screwing with my head. When you're going through tough times, music is supposed to help you. When you're going through happy times, music makes it even better. I guess I'm an exception, at least when it comes to going through tough times. I really doubt there's many songs that would make me feel better right now, if there are any songs like that, but seriously, WTF?
I walked to Prisma today to buy some stuff and I thought it would be good idea to play some music while I'm walking. These are the songs that were playing ON SHUFFLE:
It started with american pie by Madonna..."this will be the day that I die...this will be the day that I die". Awesome start, can't go wrong with that. From what? Broken heart? I guess it's pretty useless? Get hit by a car? Hämeentie is pretty busy and dangerous...
Next up was "where do I begin" from the The L word soundtrack...double wham right there! The L word brought us together and the song goes "where do I begin to tell the story of how great a love can be. The sweet love story that is older than it seems, he simple truth about the love he brings to me. Where do I start?" NEXT!
Then it was Christina Aguilera's Candyman...wasn't feeling it so I moved on...
Then came Sheryl Crow's All I wanna do..."All I wanna do is have some fun, I gotta feeling I'm not the only one." Yeah, fun would be nice right about now...how, when, where and what is the question.
Next up came Sarah McLachlan's Song for a winters night from a x-mas album. X-mas is not gonna be fun this year, I won't see my nieces open their presents, it's Adriana's first x-mas, we were supposed to spend it here with my family for the first time and now it's cancelled... and the song goes "The lamp is burning low upon my table top, snow is softly fallin. The air is still in the silence of my room. I hear your voice softly calling. If I could only have you near, to breathe a sigh or two. I would be happy just to hold the hands I love on this winter's night with you". I think it's time to move on now...I don't wanna be all puffy eyed while in the store so it's time to shut the thing off. On my way home these are the songs that were playing. We started with Natasha Bedingfield and I bruise easily
"my skin is like a map where my heart has been. And I can't hide the marks but it's not a negative thing. So I let down my guard, drop my defenses down by my clothes. I'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow. I bruise easily so be gentle when you handle me. there's a mark you leave like a love heart carved on a tree. I bruise easily can't scratch the surface without moving me. Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily. I found your finger prints on a glass of wine. Do you know you're leaving them all over this heart of mine too?" I think it's time to move on now.
Seal and Santana take the stage with you are my kind: "Stay with me baby, that's all I ask of you. I know that someday you won't remember the way that this moment feels to you. Don't let it go, don't turn your back on what you think you know, you never know. Don't leave it alone, 'cause I need you cling to. Cause you are my kind, you're all that I want here in this life until we're gone. Our breath and our skin, our hearts and our minds. They're one and the same, you are my kind. Well call on me baby if you should ever need someone to help get your head straight. I'll be your resident all night sure I'm glad just having you around. All that I know when you find love you never let it go. You never know, you know. Without you I'm lost, I get scattered, I'm shattered"
Next up Madonna and I'd be surprisingly good for you from Evita...Just hearing the music...NEXT!
We go to Take That and million love songs... "million love songs later here I'm trying to tell you that I care. Million love songs later here I am." Any song that has the words Love song in it let alone in the title will be FF'd!
After that we give the stage to Ricky martin and Christina Aguilera: Here you are in a darken room, all alone looking out the window. You're heart is cold and lost the will to love like a broken arrow. Here I stand in the shadow, come to me come to me can't you see that Nobody wants to be lonely, nobody wants to cry. My heart is longing to hold you so bad it hurts inside. Time is precious and it's slipping away and I've been waiting for you all of my life. Nobody wants to be lonely so why, why don't you let me love you?" Uplifting, isn't it? Truly uplifting.
True story.
I walked to Prisma today to buy some stuff and I thought it would be good idea to play some music while I'm walking. These are the songs that were playing ON SHUFFLE:
It started with american pie by Madonna..."this will be the day that I die...this will be the day that I die". Awesome start, can't go wrong with that. From what? Broken heart? I guess it's pretty useless? Get hit by a car? Hämeentie is pretty busy and dangerous...
Next up was "where do I begin" from the The L word soundtrack...double wham right there! The L word brought us together and the song goes "where do I begin to tell the story of how great a love can be. The sweet love story that is older than it seems, he simple truth about the love he brings to me. Where do I start?" NEXT!
Then it was Christina Aguilera's Candyman...wasn't feeling it so I moved on...
Then came Sheryl Crow's All I wanna do..."All I wanna do is have some fun, I gotta feeling I'm not the only one." Yeah, fun would be nice right about now...how, when, where and what is the question.
Next up came Sarah McLachlan's Song for a winters night from a x-mas album. X-mas is not gonna be fun this year, I won't see my nieces open their presents, it's Adriana's first x-mas, we were supposed to spend it here with my family for the first time and now it's cancelled... and the song goes "The lamp is burning low upon my table top, snow is softly fallin. The air is still in the silence of my room. I hear your voice softly calling. If I could only have you near, to breathe a sigh or two. I would be happy just to hold the hands I love on this winter's night with you". I think it's time to move on now...I don't wanna be all puffy eyed while in the store so it's time to shut the thing off. On my way home these are the songs that were playing. We started with Natasha Bedingfield and I bruise easily
"my skin is like a map where my heart has been. And I can't hide the marks but it's not a negative thing. So I let down my guard, drop my defenses down by my clothes. I'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow. I bruise easily so be gentle when you handle me. there's a mark you leave like a love heart carved on a tree. I bruise easily can't scratch the surface without moving me. Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily. I found your finger prints on a glass of wine. Do you know you're leaving them all over this heart of mine too?" I think it's time to move on now.
Seal and Santana take the stage with you are my kind: "Stay with me baby, that's all I ask of you. I know that someday you won't remember the way that this moment feels to you. Don't let it go, don't turn your back on what you think you know, you never know. Don't leave it alone, 'cause I need you cling to. Cause you are my kind, you're all that I want here in this life until we're gone. Our breath and our skin, our hearts and our minds. They're one and the same, you are my kind. Well call on me baby if you should ever need someone to help get your head straight. I'll be your resident all night sure I'm glad just having you around. All that I know when you find love you never let it go. You never know, you know. Without you I'm lost, I get scattered, I'm shattered"
Next up Madonna and I'd be surprisingly good for you from Evita...Just hearing the music...NEXT!
We go to Take That and million love songs... "million love songs later here I'm trying to tell you that I care. Million love songs later here I am." Any song that has the words Love song in it let alone in the title will be FF'd!
After that we give the stage to Ricky martin and Christina Aguilera: Here you are in a darken room, all alone looking out the window. You're heart is cold and lost the will to love like a broken arrow. Here I stand in the shadow, come to me come to me can't you see that Nobody wants to be lonely, nobody wants to cry. My heart is longing to hold you so bad it hurts inside. Time is precious and it's slipping away and I've been waiting for you all of my life. Nobody wants to be lonely so why, why don't you let me love you?" Uplifting, isn't it? Truly uplifting.
True story.
Let's try this
It worked 2 days ago so let's see if I can make it happen again!
Tiffany
Job
Apartment
Vacation
Lottery win
Green Card Lottery win
Cats
HAPPINESS
Tiffany
Job
Apartment
Vacation
Lottery win
Green Card Lottery win
Cats
HAPPINESS
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Denial
Last week, 6 days ago to be exact, my girlfriend left me. After 4 and a half years together, she ended it with me. Maybe one day I can write about it without sounding bitter but for now it's better left unwritten.
They say that there are 5 stages of grief. It starts with denial, which I think I am in. This really didn't happen, did it? She will change her mind, won't she? The past year and and a half I've been kicked around so much that I keep thinking that if I win the lottery or get some money somewhere I can fly over and convince her to change her mind. If I get a job and a place to stay, she'll see I can do this, I can provide for her and she'll change her mind. I just need that one break in my life and it will all turn around. We can have that house together we talked about. We can have kids some day like we talked about. We can go on vacations to places she/we've never been before like we talked about. I can show her Europe like we talked about. We can do all those things that we never did but talked about because we didn't have the money to do them before. All I need is that one break and it'll all be ok. Right?
To move on to happier topics... I got a jury duty summons this week! I know I know, nobody wants to be on jury duty! But when you get a jury summons from the state on NJ when you haven't lived there in 13 months, are not a U.S. citizen and last lived in the state of New York, you ARE happy about it! It made my miserable week, I'll tell you that! Now we just wait for the NY summons to come! LOL!
We don't have juries in Finland so all I know about jury duty is what they show on TV, which is not the reality, what I've heard from people and from Tiffany's experience from last summer. Everybody says it's not fun but I would have done it if it meant they pay for my flights, hotel and food! And as a non/citizen and a person who doesn't even have a green card or any kind of visa anymore and is out of the country, my immediate thought was "is this a way for a citizenship/green cars?" You serve in the US military and you get a citizenship. You serve in a jury and you get a citizenship too, right?
The summons also said I'd be a "petit juror". Does that refer to my size or what the hell is that all about? I know I'm small but seriously, no need for name calling! I have a big ego...or used to at least. Is there a height or weight requirement for "petit juror"?
The summons also threatened you with a contempt of court if you failed to return the questionnaire and answer the questions. Do I wanna be in contempt? What would they do if I was? Come get me from Finland and put me in jail? If I was, would I be able to fly to Newark or would there be a mark in my record indicating I should be arrested as soon as I enter NJ? Could I fly to JFK and be ok? Or would they deny my entrance to USA all together? These are all big questions to ponder...
I filled out the questionnaire online...First questions was "are you a living in Essex county?" No. "Are you a U.S. citizen?" Nope. "Are you mentally fit to serve as a juror and fulfill the duties of a juror properly?" I doubt it... After the questionnaire was done, this is what the computer told me
They say that there are 5 stages of grief. It starts with denial, which I think I am in. This really didn't happen, did it? She will change her mind, won't she? The past year and and a half I've been kicked around so much that I keep thinking that if I win the lottery or get some money somewhere I can fly over and convince her to change her mind. If I get a job and a place to stay, she'll see I can do this, I can provide for her and she'll change her mind. I just need that one break in my life and it will all turn around. We can have that house together we talked about. We can have kids some day like we talked about. We can go on vacations to places she/we've never been before like we talked about. I can show her Europe like we talked about. We can do all those things that we never did but talked about because we didn't have the money to do them before. All I need is that one break and it'll all be ok. Right?
To move on to happier topics... I got a jury duty summons this week! I know I know, nobody wants to be on jury duty! But when you get a jury summons from the state on NJ when you haven't lived there in 13 months, are not a U.S. citizen and last lived in the state of New York, you ARE happy about it! It made my miserable week, I'll tell you that! Now we just wait for the NY summons to come! LOL!
We don't have juries in Finland so all I know about jury duty is what they show on TV, which is not the reality, what I've heard from people and from Tiffany's experience from last summer. Everybody says it's not fun but I would have done it if it meant they pay for my flights, hotel and food! And as a non/citizen and a person who doesn't even have a green card or any kind of visa anymore and is out of the country, my immediate thought was "is this a way for a citizenship/green cars?" You serve in the US military and you get a citizenship. You serve in a jury and you get a citizenship too, right?
The summons also said I'd be a "petit juror". Does that refer to my size or what the hell is that all about? I know I'm small but seriously, no need for name calling! I have a big ego...or used to at least. Is there a height or weight requirement for "petit juror"?
The summons also threatened you with a contempt of court if you failed to return the questionnaire and answer the questions. Do I wanna be in contempt? What would they do if I was? Come get me from Finland and put me in jail? If I was, would I be able to fly to Newark or would there be a mark in my record indicating I should be arrested as soon as I enter NJ? Could I fly to JFK and be ok? Or would they deny my entrance to USA all together? These are all big questions to ponder...
I filled out the questionnaire online...First questions was "are you a living in Essex county?" No. "Are you a U.S. citizen?" Nope. "Are you mentally fit to serve as a juror and fulfill the duties of a juror properly?" I doubt it... After the questionnaire was done, this is what the computer told me
YOUR RESPONSE INDICATES THAT YOU ARE NOT ELIGIBLE TO SERVE AS A JUROR AT THIS TIME. Please be aware that you may be asked by the Jury Management Office for verification regarding your responses. Do not report for juror service on your summons date unless you are contacted further by the Jury Management Office."
I really wanted to be a juror. This could have been my chance... Maybe next time. All though the Jury Management Office might still contact me...
Maybe I'll be in Newark, NJ on December 8.
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