Ticket

I got it! Went to get it from R-kioski today...and it's good that I'm out because if not, the teller totally would have outed me! I personally think she's a lesbian also, so maybe she was confirming my membership to the club, but first there was a "problem" with my confirmation number which she had to ask me about. Then when she found it she had to announce the event out loud "Helsinki Pride's women's party". And then of course confirm my name...So if anyone was paying attention, this is what they would have gotten " J K is a lesbian and going to the Women's party at Helsinki Pride!" There were only 2 other people in the store so it wasn't a big deal and I'm out anyway, plus if my appearances don't tell you I'm gay, then you ain't got a gaydar honey! Cuz today I'm sporting a mohawk. Or half of it anyway. And I have 2 ankle bracelets with rainbows and equality signs on them. And my nails are painted with different colors. And I just ooze gay. Seriously, you should know by now!

But enough about me...I know you're back to see where the countdown has taken us! And as I predicted yesterday, the number IS 22! Who would have thunk it? Come back tomorrow and let's see what the numbers look like then! Now I am off to the roof terrace to enjoy few beers with my awesome brother who's buying! So till tomorrow!

Brace yourselves!

If you are one of my 3 readers, you should brace yourselves! I am most probably gonna talk about Helsinki Pride and the women's party till it happens, and most likely afterwards as well. I'm giddy with excitement! And you know why? I'll tell ya!

I just bought both my ticket to the dance AND booked a hotel in Helsinki for July 1st! ARE YOU EXCITED? I'M EXCITED! Now we just need amazing summer weather for those 2 days and I'll be ALL GOOD! You still excited? So am I!

I think I should start a countdown for this event. Whatcha think? Good idea? Haven't had a countdown since who knows when so yeah, let's have a countdown! You know where we start? At 23 days! That's TWO and THREE! TWENTY THREE! It's 3 weeks and 2 days if you were wondering... I know not everybody is as great at math as I am or understand the concept of countdown as well as I do so I am just making life easier for you! So that's where we're at... come back tomorrow to see what the number is then! It's gonna be a surprise! It's most likely below 23 but higher than 21. Not sure though. We'll see.

Later!

It's not about the destination, it's about the journey

Or that's what they say anyway. What and how "they" know it, is beyond me...but right now for me it's about the destination. And the destination is July 1st. The women's party. Part of Helsinki Pride.

I've been thinking about this for awhile and I was checking the Pride week program online last week. I never got to experience the women's dance in NYC so I am going to take it all in and enjoy myself in Finland. Party is on a Friday and the parade is on Saturday. So if I get a hotel room I can stay Friday night and enjoy the festivities on Saturday too. I need something to get out of the funk and something to look forward to... but obviously shy little girl like me can't go there all my lonesome self so yesterday I sent a PM on FB to 5 of the girls I met in Tampere at the Seta training and asked them if they were going and if I could tag along. 4 of the 5 have replied and they've all said yes!  Ask and you shall receive! Isn't that great? It seems that every time I open up a little and let people in or ask something or need something...people respond. Isn't that great? Who knew people could be nice and selfless and not disappoint? I guess all this gay goodness is balancing out the disappointment that is my former family. But when you think about it, it's better to have good things happen to you in THIS moment as opposed to in the "past life". Cuz unfortunately that's what they are...my past. But let's not dwell on it, this is ABSOLUTELY GREAT NEWS! love my gay ladies! Woo Hoo! July 1st, anyone???

I've always...

When you say "I've always been/wanted/known/felt like/..." how long is that "always" for you? Since the day you were born? Hardly unlikely since we can't remember that far back unless your family has told you about whatever-it-is-that-is-in-question-here.  Since you can remember? When was that? My earliest memory is from when I was learning to stand on my feet and to walk holding on to something and I accidentally touched the volume button on the radio and put it on so loudly that I scared myself and started crying. And that's 30 years ago so it's a helluva long time. Since the day you realized you were gay or whatever mainstream sexuality you identify with? The day I finally accepted my gayness was when Marina and Jenny were doing the "nasty" on my TV screen in early 2005 and I was like "OH, that explains it". The day you moved out of town and started living outside the shadow of your family and friends? How long is always for you?

Why am I asking this, you ask? I was just wondering, where does always begin and does it end? Lets say that you've "always" wanted a big church wedding and lots of guests and everything it entails, does that "always" end when you get your wish? And if you have that, and then that marriage ends for some reason, do you still want that big church wedding the second time around or did that end with the first one? How does it work? 

And then how about with something little less definable? Like happiness. What is it that makes you happy? For different people it's different things. And if you don't have the one thing that YOU think will make you happy, what if you get it and it turns out it really isn't what you expected? "I've always thought that I need a lot of money to be happy?" Or when I have a lot of money I'll be happy. True or false? Can money make you happy? Lack of it can certainly make you miserable but there are so many other variables in the equation for happiness that money alone will not work.

When was the happiest time of your life? When you felt totally at ease with yourself, your life, the direction where you were going and everything just flowed the way it was meant to be?  For me, for my 30+ years, it has to be spring/summer of 2008 when me and T moved in together. I was still at school, had just started working there too, we had a new apartment and everything was kinda falling into place. I had no money worries, I didn't have to think about the future or jobs or deportation or visas or anything like that. I had just moved in with my gf and things were just peachy. I had 2 cats, great new friends who accepted me the way I was and the future was ahead of us. Things were perfect. Life was perfect. Love was all I needed. I guess I used all that luck back then because it hasn't been coming my way since. And this seriously was not supposed to be about T at all and it's not so let's move on!

What this post is really about is tattoos but I got all philosophical with " I've always wanted a Ying and Yang tattoo" and how long that always is and will be. I saw the words Ying and Yang on something, remembered my desire for a tattoo and remembered my conversation with Marianne from a week ago when we were talking about tattoos. Right now I have 3 different tattoos I want and I even know the places I want them to. And I even know who's gonna make them but before that...the dreaded job and money situation needs to be resolved.

So if we start this post with how I intended it to go... I've always wanted a Ying and Yang tattoo (always in this case meaning since about 7th/8th grade when we were taught about different religions at school and when I became aware of Ying and Yang and the meaning). I've always known that Forssa wasn't the place where I wanted to live for the rest of my life, and same might be said about Finland as well (Always in this case being since I realized I was different, not necessarily gay and it was re-enforced  since I moved to Swansea to become an au pair). But I've also always been a PROUD Finn, even if I wasn't living here or wasn't looking forward to spending the rest of my life here (always in this case meaning since I understood how bad some people in other countries have it). So when the time came for me to get a tattoo, I was aware that I wouldn't be in Finland for long and wanted something that symbolized my proud Finnish roots, I chose the Finnish Lion. I would put a picture up here but can't find any on my computer and I know I took them because I showed it to T when I had it done. Anyways... I've always rambled a lot and this was in no way an exception. 

Till next week.

Cee lo - Fuck You!

Feeling frustrated? No luck in you love life No luck in the job hunt? Your boss is an asshole? Your neighbor is too loud? Hate your family? Just tired of all the shit that's going on in your life? Well here's a song for you that is guaranteed to put a smile on your face. If not, you probably are worse off than I/you/we thought and there's nothing anyone can do OR you just don't have a sense of humor! Whatever the problem is, listen to this song... It DOES get better!

And FUCK YOU!

And if you want the cutie nice version, here's Glee f. Gwyneth Paltrow and "Forget you". I love Glee and I love this version and I guess I love Gwynnie too so whenever either version comes on on my iPod I just smile. Get a little swagger to my walk. Put I also sing FUCK YOU with the Glee version. Can sometimes be a bit confusing. And Cee Lo sings about a girl and Gwynnie and Glee about a boy so it makes it even more confusing. But what's really great is that you can watch the Glee version on mute and have the Cee Lo sing the song and then it's just perfection. Cuz what could be better than Gwynnie sounding like a black man and having high school kids saying FUCK YOU??? Not much! So, enjoy. Sing. Smile! And say FUCK YOU from the bottom of your heart! It is so liberating.

And just to show you how much I love this song...it's the ring tone I have for my brother! Sometimes I don't answer his calls because I listen to the song instead!

UPDATE: These videos are actually not in sync so you're just gonna have to watch them separately! But still, enjoy!

Black Swan

On the flight over to USA I watched Black Swan and I have to say that it was one of the most disturbing movies I’ve ever seen. The whole crazed lesbian aspect didn’t sit well with me and on top of that I sat next to a ~70 year old Russian woman who didn’t speak a word of English, or Finnish for that matter. And she wasn’t using her entertainment system so every once in awhile I could feel her watching mine. I felt a lot naughty watching Mila Kunis go down on Natalie Portman. Definitely NOT a movie to watch with people you don’t know/your parents/elderly/homophobes. 

Since I had to look around to see who was watching with me I feel like I missed some parts, but...if I understood correctly Portman's character was going crazy. Too much pressure maybe from mommy dearest, who definitely WAS crazy and from outside to succeed. Keeping ahead from the competition... and the incestuous relationship with the mother. Ewww.  Definitely not your feel good movie of the year!

After I was done I was like WTF just happened? Kinda like what I said after the Finnish election.

Let's all go eco friendly and buy electric cars, shall we?

NO!

I love a celebrity with a social conscience. There's nothing better than Crystal Chappell creating a web series about lesbian community to take her previous character to the next level (and Jessica Leccia following her) or Sheetal Sheth being gay for pay time and time again, or Naya Rivera hosting GLAAD awards, or Shay Mitchell's PSA about ending human trafficking in Thailand or any of the hundreds of other causes celebs take part and raise awareness every day, tirelessly. There is nothing better than an actress embracing the community they portray on TV or in a movie and raising awareness about gay rights, bullying and endless other issues they become aware of by playing one. You embrace us and our struggles and you have a fan for life!

When you go on Twitter and start following celebs, you pretty quickly start noticing what they are all about. When you go on Youtube and watch their interviews and the causes they support, you fall in love with them even more. Gay rights, human rights, hunger, human trafficking, religious freedom, natural disasters, and environmental issues to name a few can all be seen all over their twitter accounts. But what gets me is the misinformation they sometimes present as facts. Little things like fact checking and THINKING before you speak/post would go a long way...

I was just reading on twitter how this older american actress was asking for electric plugs in homes for electric cars. Let me tell you something: ELECTRIC CARS ARE NOT THE FUTURE, ESPECIALLY IN AMERICA! It seems to me that people think that as long as you take the going-to-a-gas-station-to-fill-up-your-car-with-gas part out of the car experience, it all of a sudden becomes environmentally friendly. NO! Have you considered where that electricity comes from? What is used to produce that electricity? GAS, most likely. Or maybe nuclear energy. Most likely some non-renewable type of energy source. So just because it's not gas straight to your car, doesn't mean that it's gas free.

American summers are not mild and pleasant. They are hot and humid. You have your air conditioner on 24/7 and your electric bills are ginormous! Sometimes you have to conserve energy because the old and outdated electric grid is so over worked that electricity outages are happening more than they should. So During the peak hours between 5-8pm when people come home from work, start cooking, put the A/C on even higher and have the TV on, you expect the electric grid to push a little extra too for ALL THOSE CARS to get their juices so that they would be working the next morning? I don't think so my friend. And isn't there rolling blackouts in LA every summer because of the heat? And to add to it the fact that many/most american families have a car if not 2 or 3... If you really wanted to be environmentally friendly, you'd try to find a way to seriously lessen your driving to everywhere, whether hours or minutes away and trying to invent a energy source for cars that is truly environmentally friendly from production to usage to emissions.

Efficient cars, efficient, emission free energy sources, less private cars/driving, better public transport system... and common sense when driving to the grocery store next door would be a start for more environmentally friendly existence.

Doing my part/PSA for environmentally friendly world since...10 minutes ago! :-D
This is Jenni signing out.