If you've never watched an episode of Glee in your life, now you absolutely MUST. Season 2 episode 18, born this way is hands down the single most awesomest episode of TV history ever created ever ever! Outside of the singing and dancing that usually fills up an episode of Glee, this episode also had a powerful message, PSA if you will. And I guess you either have to be gay or struggling with some form of self doubt or self hate to truly appreciate this episode but the theme was self acceptance. And the message was that no matter who or what kind you are, you are worth loving. By you and by others. And the thing you most hate about yourself might just be the thing that someone else loves you for or admires you for. In a totally awesome way the show was able to make a character admit that she's a lesbian, another to say she's bi-curious and all the others to admit that one thing they were embarrassed about themselves. And they did it with style, wit and humor.
The gay and lesbian visibility on this show is amazing and this episode just made me love it even more. At the end of the episode they perform Lady Gaga's "Born this way" and everyone is wearing a T-shirt that has the one thing they're most embarrassed about written on them. Before they go on stage, Brittany goes to Santana who confessed her love to Brittany few episodes ago and shows her her T. It says "I'm with Stoopid" with an arrow pointing up (as Britt's just not the sharpest tool in the shed). And Santana shows her her's "Bitch" which she is but Brittany is not impressed. She made her a special T which says "Lebanese". It's supposed to say lesbian but Britt can't spell...It was so cute and so awesome and so sweet and just amazing. Santana's like "But I'm hispanic...wait, is that supposed to say "lesbian"?" Brittany goes on to tell Santana how proud she is of her and that she should be too and not to date a guy. Santana tells her she has no business meddling since she didn't tell her she loved her back. Brittany gets angry and tells her that she loves her, more than Santana loves herself and if she did she'd wear the T and dance with her and then storms out.
I was just like AWWWWWWW...That's still all I can say. EVERYBODY should have a Brittany in their lives, especially if you're coming out. A friend like that could help the process so much. And to have someone in your life who just loves you unconditionally just the way you are...We all need and DESERVE that.
In light of my recent "realization" that I am in fact "Lebanese" I bought 2 t-shirts declaring that. The country, as it is muslim, probably does not appreciate all the recent lebanese converters but oh well. My Tees should be coming after I come back from USA.
I am gonna board the Brittana ship now... I gotta gay. GO! I gotta go!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Good-bad ratio in (my) world
Why is it that every good news is followed by bad news and every good happening is followed by a bad one? Lately it seems like every good thing that has happened will be followed by something bad. Or sometimes the bad is followed by good too. And for the life of me I can't spell "followed" right today so if there's an O missing, you know why.
Last week we would have had our 5 year anniversary, which obviously was not a great day for me. The next day though, was a pay day which all in all does not cancel out the bad of the day before but in my situation made a pretty big difference. bad-> good. Then this week there was Carly's birthday, which is a good day followed by news that a friend of mine has ovarian cancer. It's like a major roller coaster ride that never ends.
Next week I'll be flying over to NJ and getting my stuff. Finally. Have you ever spent 650 euros on a trip and not been excited or happy about it? Well, I have now. I used to be so excited to fly over because it meant some awesome things were happening. This time is for a good bye. Nothing exciting about that. Nothing to start a countdown over for. Every other time I've flown over EVERYBODY has known about it. But as I'm writing this I'm sitting in my verandah in a 20+C degree weather wearing shorts and a t-shirt so it's not all bad. I'm working on my non existing tan as I'm whiter than a ghost but maybe I'll get there some day. I would start blonding my hair in the sun too except I need a hat on to see the screen.
Since I don't have my own "community" or a person anymore I have gone back to the online community. You can find people that share the same interests as you, find news about things that interest you and share idea with like-minded people. TV has also been a great distraction from my life. I read an article on AfterEllen titled "Are we too tough on gay teens on TV" which talked about how people go crazy on their favorite characters if they don't like the way the storyline is going or the choices the character is making. Being gay and finding a TV character who represents "you" is not easy so when there is a character on TV that kinda looks like you or "is" you, seeing that character do something that you can't relate to or would never do yourself in real life makes you more mad than your straight counterpart just because you can't just change a channel and move on to the next show and next character since there are not that many on TV. I can't emphasize the importance of having people like you around you and when you don't have that, you relate to the fictional people on TV. Straight people can look at their parents, family and friends all around them and simulate the best qualities of those relationships. They have the role models around them but what if you're gay and have no gay people around you?
I am not saying that I need role models in my life. At 30 I think I know who I am and the kind of person I want to be but it's tough when I have no gay friends. My rants about gay rights resonate to a certain degree with my friends but even if they are all for me getting married, this issue doesn't touch them as much as it does me. They CAN get married...they ARE married... and some take that right for granted.
So to go back to what I was saying here...online community. I've been on Grey's anatomy message board because I'm obsessed with the show. When I got dumped my favorite lesbian couple broke up and I really just needed the assurance that there are happy endings, so I had to google spoilers for the show. And when you get spoiled there's no turning back. So I went to the one place where people understood my frustration. Now I find it very interesting and curious when straight people post more about a lesbian characters than I do. My involvement on the MB is nowhere near as intense at it was when I got hooked on The L Word but I post pretty much daily. I remember when I got on the boards 6 years ago I presented myself as straight even though I realized I wasn't. And there was a guy in the picture back then. But it took me awhile to openly admit it to myself and to the people I was talking to. And that was a safe place if any. So now when I see these married straight women posting about their love for Callie and Arizona and how they want to see more intimate scenes, more loving, more...it makes me wonder are they really being honest with themselves. It could be that they are just who they say they are since this by no means is a gay show like TLW was but sometimes when they wanna see more hot scenes I can't but to remember the times 6 years ago and the awakening I felt... And they post mainly on the Callie and Arizona thread. Are self-confessed Calzona lovers. Watch the show because of them. But maybe that's just me...maybe I just wanna see rainbows all around me! Everybody should be as gay as me...or should they?
Since I've heard so much about "Pretty little liars" from the people on the MB and how the "love scenes", intimacy and the story lines for Emily, the shows gay character are so much better than on Grey's, I had to download the season and watch what all the fuzz was about. And I got to say, having a lesbian writer on the show really does make a huge difference. The journey for Emily is very believable and you can basically relate to every step she's taking. And the chemistry between her and her love interests so far has been amazing. But what's really interesting for me is how they have had guys in the middle when characters have come out. Like I said before, there was a guy in the picture when I came out or admitted to myself who I was and it's like the last push to try to force yourself to be straight. There might not be anyone for ages and then when you're supposed to come to grips with who you are, universe throws a curve ball. Emily had feelings for Maya but instead of dealing with them she went to a dance with a boy. She finally came around and came out but I thought it was interesting. And totally something I could relate to. Then later in the season, Emily's new love interest Paige knows she's gay but is afraid to come out. A boy asks her out and she goes even though she likes Emily. The date ends with a kiss and Paige comes to Emily and confesses that she felt phony. That kiss finally made her face that fact that yes, she's gay. Even though she didn't come out. We'll see how that goes.
Why am I talking about Pretty little liars you ask? Because it's on ABC family, which is youth oriented channel and the show is about high school kids. But I can relate to that journey Emily is on. And being one of the few openly gays in town. It also doesn't hurt at all that the girl playing Emily, Shay Mitchell is probably one of the most gorgeous women you'll ever see!
Another show that's demanding more of my attention is Glee. I love the show as it is without the coming up lesbian storyline(s) but it does not hurt at all to have lesbian/bi characters on the show. And this show has the guy factor thrown in there for road bumps as well. Santana, who is coming out soon and who just few episodes ago confessed her love to her best friend Brittany has been dating boys left and right and Brittany is dating a boy. That hasn't stopped them from hooking up though. As they say "it's not cheating when the plumbing is different."
I think I've blogged enough for today. Back to work tomorrow for another 6 days before my long awaited trip. Now I gotta take my white legs outside for a walk and maybe go check out if the ice cream stand is open for business.
Later peeps.
Last week we would have had our 5 year anniversary, which obviously was not a great day for me. The next day though, was a pay day which all in all does not cancel out the bad of the day before but in my situation made a pretty big difference. bad-> good. Then this week there was Carly's birthday, which is a good day followed by news that a friend of mine has ovarian cancer. It's like a major roller coaster ride that never ends.
Next week I'll be flying over to NJ and getting my stuff. Finally. Have you ever spent 650 euros on a trip and not been excited or happy about it? Well, I have now. I used to be so excited to fly over because it meant some awesome things were happening. This time is for a good bye. Nothing exciting about that. Nothing to start a countdown over for. Every other time I've flown over EVERYBODY has known about it. But as I'm writing this I'm sitting in my verandah in a 20+C degree weather wearing shorts and a t-shirt so it's not all bad. I'm working on my non existing tan as I'm whiter than a ghost but maybe I'll get there some day. I would start blonding my hair in the sun too except I need a hat on to see the screen.
Since I don't have my own "community" or a person anymore I have gone back to the online community. You can find people that share the same interests as you, find news about things that interest you and share idea with like-minded people. TV has also been a great distraction from my life. I read an article on AfterEllen titled "Are we too tough on gay teens on TV" which talked about how people go crazy on their favorite characters if they don't like the way the storyline is going or the choices the character is making. Being gay and finding a TV character who represents "you" is not easy so when there is a character on TV that kinda looks like you or "is" you, seeing that character do something that you can't relate to or would never do yourself in real life makes you more mad than your straight counterpart just because you can't just change a channel and move on to the next show and next character since there are not that many on TV. I can't emphasize the importance of having people like you around you and when you don't have that, you relate to the fictional people on TV. Straight people can look at their parents, family and friends all around them and simulate the best qualities of those relationships. They have the role models around them but what if you're gay and have no gay people around you?
I am not saying that I need role models in my life. At 30 I think I know who I am and the kind of person I want to be but it's tough when I have no gay friends. My rants about gay rights resonate to a certain degree with my friends but even if they are all for me getting married, this issue doesn't touch them as much as it does me. They CAN get married...they ARE married... and some take that right for granted.
So to go back to what I was saying here...online community. I've been on Grey's anatomy message board because I'm obsessed with the show. When I got dumped my favorite lesbian couple broke up and I really just needed the assurance that there are happy endings, so I had to google spoilers for the show. And when you get spoiled there's no turning back. So I went to the one place where people understood my frustration. Now I find it very interesting and curious when straight people post more about a lesbian characters than I do. My involvement on the MB is nowhere near as intense at it was when I got hooked on The L Word but I post pretty much daily. I remember when I got on the boards 6 years ago I presented myself as straight even though I realized I wasn't. And there was a guy in the picture back then. But it took me awhile to openly admit it to myself and to the people I was talking to. And that was a safe place if any. So now when I see these married straight women posting about their love for Callie and Arizona and how they want to see more intimate scenes, more loving, more...it makes me wonder are they really being honest with themselves. It could be that they are just who they say they are since this by no means is a gay show like TLW was but sometimes when they wanna see more hot scenes I can't but to remember the times 6 years ago and the awakening I felt... And they post mainly on the Callie and Arizona thread. Are self-confessed Calzona lovers. Watch the show because of them. But maybe that's just me...maybe I just wanna see rainbows all around me! Everybody should be as gay as me...or should they?
Since I've heard so much about "Pretty little liars" from the people on the MB and how the "love scenes", intimacy and the story lines for Emily, the shows gay character are so much better than on Grey's, I had to download the season and watch what all the fuzz was about. And I got to say, having a lesbian writer on the show really does make a huge difference. The journey for Emily is very believable and you can basically relate to every step she's taking. And the chemistry between her and her love interests so far has been amazing. But what's really interesting for me is how they have had guys in the middle when characters have come out. Like I said before, there was a guy in the picture when I came out or admitted to myself who I was and it's like the last push to try to force yourself to be straight. There might not be anyone for ages and then when you're supposed to come to grips with who you are, universe throws a curve ball. Emily had feelings for Maya but instead of dealing with them she went to a dance with a boy. She finally came around and came out but I thought it was interesting. And totally something I could relate to. Then later in the season, Emily's new love interest Paige knows she's gay but is afraid to come out. A boy asks her out and she goes even though she likes Emily. The date ends with a kiss and Paige comes to Emily and confesses that she felt phony. That kiss finally made her face that fact that yes, she's gay. Even though she didn't come out. We'll see how that goes.
Why am I talking about Pretty little liars you ask? Because it's on ABC family, which is youth oriented channel and the show is about high school kids. But I can relate to that journey Emily is on. And being one of the few openly gays in town. It also doesn't hurt at all that the girl playing Emily, Shay Mitchell is probably one of the most gorgeous women you'll ever see!
Another show that's demanding more of my attention is Glee. I love the show as it is without the coming up lesbian storyline(s) but it does not hurt at all to have lesbian/bi characters on the show. And this show has the guy factor thrown in there for road bumps as well. Santana, who is coming out soon and who just few episodes ago confessed her love to her best friend Brittany has been dating boys left and right and Brittany is dating a boy. That hasn't stopped them from hooking up though. As they say "it's not cheating when the plumbing is different."
I think I've blogged enough for today. Back to work tomorrow for another 6 days before my long awaited trip. Now I gotta take my white legs outside for a walk and maybe go check out if the ice cream stand is open for business.
Later peeps.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Happy Birthday Carly
Yesterday was Carly's 3rd birthday and since I can't be there to wish her happy birthday myself, I will do it here online instead. Love you and miss you Carly!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
What the fuck just happened?
Seriously, can someone tell me how the hell did this happen? The shit hit the fan!
Oh wow
A 30 year old Finnish woman is now seeking asylum from a lesbian friendly country. Marriage rights and overall equality should be established. Job and place to stay would be appreciated.
What am I talking about? The parliamental elections were today and Persu, the "true Finns" are the biggest winners in these elections. Right now when the results are not final, it looks like they are getting 41 of 200 seats in the parliament. Their main points are to restrict immigration to Finland, marriage between a man and a woman, get Finnish Mark back and let go of Euro, resign from EU... basically crawl into a ball and leave the rest of the world behind. Welcome to the new discriminating Finland.
I've been reading the status updates of my friends on FB and NOBODY is happy. Where all these Persu voters came from is beyond me but they're there and now we will need to live with it. If Persu and KD are in the government, I will be leaving Finland! this is CRAZY!!!
What am I talking about? The parliamental elections were today and Persu, the "true Finns" are the biggest winners in these elections. Right now when the results are not final, it looks like they are getting 41 of 200 seats in the parliament. Their main points are to restrict immigration to Finland, marriage between a man and a woman, get Finnish Mark back and let go of Euro, resign from EU... basically crawl into a ball and leave the rest of the world behind. Welcome to the new discriminating Finland.
I've been reading the status updates of my friends on FB and NOBODY is happy. Where all these Persu voters came from is beyond me but they're there and now we will need to live with it. If Persu and KD are in the government, I will be leaving Finland! this is CRAZY!!!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Best. Day. of. 2011.
Who's ready for some happy and positive posts? Life's looking like it might be picking up and today, right this second as I'm drinking this dark red pear cider my brother got me for free from work and listen to my UPSTAIRS neighbors fighting as usual on Friday nights I can say that I'm actually pretty content. "Happy" might not be the word just yet but life doesn't suck 24&7. At least not today. And why not today you ask? Well...today for the first time in 2 years...was PAYDAY! That magical day of the month when currency appears on your bank account and for a brief second you can dream about all those things you wanna buy with that money... until the reality sets in and reminds you that most of that is someone else's for services/products etc tendered. And then you pay your bills and realize that it's almost all gone. But... some of the bills paid today included:
Health insurance
Electricity
little towards my major credit card
Little more towards my smaller credit card that I used to pay my flights to NYC next month
May rent
And I went to buy some household stuff that I needed and I bought this amazing hair wax and now my hair looks totally awesome! Can't lie! It looks so awesome in fact that I'm contemplating not cutting it like I'd planned. I bought a laundry basket cuz the plastic bags were just not cutting it anymore. I bought sheets cuz borrowing from my mom wasn't fun anymore and I made an appointment to get my eye sight checked. Let's face it, I'm blind as a bat! I can't afford to buy new glasses right now but I might be able to squeeze in contact lenses. And the icing on the cake is... I bought bags for my vacuum cleaner from an online store! Hooray! I have been searching for them with cats and dogs and it seems that they don't really have them anywhere that I looked anyway so I was happy. Now I can vacuum as my heart desires!
(Side note, the cider looks just like Muumi soda.)
Yesterday I found out that Tammela did not hire me. Surprise surprise. They didn't tell me though, that I came second, which is a good thing. 2 is not my number. But as I found out, my contract at HAMK once I actually see it and sign it, is until May 15 so it looks like I'll be working for few days at least in May. I will lose those 4 days because of lil trip to get my belongings but I was happy with that news. The next 2 weeks are only 4 day work weeks because of Easter which is not good for me as I am paid by the hours I work and 2 days equals $$$. Well, loss of $$$.
I have some rants in me too but I don't feel like ranting today so I'll save those for another day. Maybe I'll forget. But right now, I might have to go check myself out from the mirror and then watch some quality TV. And finish my muumi soda, or cider.
One last funny thing. I was reading the "Nyt" portion of Helsingin Sanomat today and there was an article about elections. It had gathered all kinds of funny and interesting tidbits about elections and their history and it said that in 1968 the voting privileges of a person might have been revoked by unfortunate/badly timed headache and dizziness that resulted in the person being sent to Hattelmala sane asylum! As a person currently working in the above mentioned institution, all I can say is that I'm glad I voted last Saturday! LOL! And while we're on the subject, I cannot wait for the elections to be over so that I don't have to be mobbed by the team of volunteers of one local candidate while visiting a supermarket!
Anyways... was a good day!
Have a GREAT weekend and go vote Finns! Not Persut or KD though...don't be stupid!
Later!
Health insurance
Electricity
little towards my major credit card
Little more towards my smaller credit card that I used to pay my flights to NYC next month
May rent
And I went to buy some household stuff that I needed and I bought this amazing hair wax and now my hair looks totally awesome! Can't lie! It looks so awesome in fact that I'm contemplating not cutting it like I'd planned. I bought a laundry basket cuz the plastic bags were just not cutting it anymore. I bought sheets cuz borrowing from my mom wasn't fun anymore and I made an appointment to get my eye sight checked. Let's face it, I'm blind as a bat! I can't afford to buy new glasses right now but I might be able to squeeze in contact lenses. And the icing on the cake is... I bought bags for my vacuum cleaner from an online store! Hooray! I have been searching for them with cats and dogs and it seems that they don't really have them anywhere that I looked anyway so I was happy. Now I can vacuum as my heart desires!
(Side note, the cider looks just like Muumi soda.)
Yesterday I found out that Tammela did not hire me. Surprise surprise. They didn't tell me though, that I came second, which is a good thing. 2 is not my number. But as I found out, my contract at HAMK once I actually see it and sign it, is until May 15 so it looks like I'll be working for few days at least in May. I will lose those 4 days because of lil trip to get my belongings but I was happy with that news. The next 2 weeks are only 4 day work weeks because of Easter which is not good for me as I am paid by the hours I work and 2 days equals $$$. Well, loss of $$$.
I have some rants in me too but I don't feel like ranting today so I'll save those for another day. Maybe I'll forget. But right now, I might have to go check myself out from the mirror and then watch some quality TV. And finish my muumi soda, or cider.
One last funny thing. I was reading the "Nyt" portion of Helsingin Sanomat today and there was an article about elections. It had gathered all kinds of funny and interesting tidbits about elections and their history and it said that in 1968 the voting privileges of a person might have been revoked by unfortunate/badly timed headache and dizziness that resulted in the person being sent to Hattelmala sane asylum! As a person currently working in the above mentioned institution, all I can say is that I'm glad I voted last Saturday! LOL! And while we're on the subject, I cannot wait for the elections to be over so that I don't have to be mobbed by the team of volunteers of one local candidate while visiting a supermarket!
Anyways... was a good day!
Have a GREAT weekend and go vote Finns! Not Persut or KD though...don't be stupid!
Later!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Don't you remember
Exactly 5 years ago I boarded a plane destination: JFK, NYC. I was about to embark on journey of a lifetime. Even if that fairytale ended in heartbreak, I wouldn’t change it. I got to experience things I never would have had I not met T. I got to be part of something special and I will always have the memories even though I don’t have “it” anymore.
I was able to attend football games in Philadelphia, soccer games in NJ (even if the team is supposedly from New York), hockey games both in NJ and NY and baseball games in NY and NJ. For a sport nut like myself, that is huge! And I was able to talk smack with T’s family re: sports.
I was there when 2 special little girls were born and saw them within hours of their birth. For a short time I got be an aunt for those 2 girls. I got to be a member of a family that sticks together through thick and thin and experience the holidays AMERICAN STYLE!
I got to meet T’s cousins Celeste and Colette who were and are so welcoming and open-minded. With those 2 I never felt like I couldn’t be exactly who I was and show it too. And Celeste has been there for me when everyone else bailed.
I got my Masters diploma and learned a lot, even though you might not call it an education…I got to know some amazing people through school; my classmates, professors and from work.
I got to feel the unconditional love that pets can give you from Sox and Bailey. I really miss my step cats.
I got to know T’s extended family through babysitting and those people are nice enough to let me stay with them next month when I go get my belongings and put my past behind me. They are welcoming me with open arms when no one else would.
I was able to live in a foreign country and have a support system through T’s family and friends. I also got some great friends through Tiffany and through our mutual MB friends. There are some amazing people who I will miss immensely but will probably never see again. Thank goodness for Facebook!
I got to be there for T’s DC marathon and for her surgery. I got to be there when she came home from work. I HAD a home even when I wasn’t able to pay for any of it. And I was fed even when I couldn’t afford it.
I met Candice during my second semester and she has been the greatest friend a girl can ask for. She’s taken me places and done me favors without batting an eyelash or asking any questions and she’ll keep doing it without asking anything in return.
It was an experience that has made me stronger, wiser and richer. I wouldn’t change it for the world…except maybe for the ending. But most importantly, I got to know T. And for a while I got to be part of her life.
Today would have been our 5-year anniversary.
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