I thought the tears were all dried already but as I'm preparing for this x-mas alone I find they're not. This is the first x-mas in 3 years that I'm not with Tiffany. And this was the x-mas that we were supposed to spend in Finland. Instead, we're broken up and I'm alone. And I can't lie, it stings more than a little that her family did not even bother to send me pictures of her nieces. I have pictures of Noah, Avery and Wyatt on my fridge...No Carly, no Adriana (Amanda said she's late which isn't surprising so Carly should be there next week). But I guess that's to be expected since I'm neither family nor a friend. And it's not like we're gonna pump into each other socially so it's easy to just ignore me. For new years I'll make a resolution to try to let it go. Why torture myself more than I absolutely have to?
So here's to a better 2011. Merry Christmas. Hope yours is better than mine.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Here's to my 2 month old freedom! Woo Hoo
May the rest of it be full of laughter and joy...and girls night(s)! WOO HOO! And girls...
Sounded convincing, didn't it? No? Well, I'll work on it. I am excited for the girls night though!
Sounded convincing, didn't it? No? Well, I'll work on it. I am excited for the girls night though!
Monday, December 13, 2010
It's a vicious cycle!
Looking at the pictures of cats who are looking for a home....it's addicting! I really really WANT a cat or cats but until I find a job and can do everything for a cat that it deserves, I can't get one. I wanna be able to buy all the toys, scratch posts, food etc and make sure I have money for vet's appointments before I get a cat. And I most likely will take a kitten so I will need to have money for the neutering/sterilization... But I've been looking at the pictures for about a month now and it definitely is a vicious cycle. Once you start you can't stop. It consumes you! There are the websites where private citizens are advertising their cats. There are the national rescue organizations that advertise rescued/fostered cats and then there are the regional rescue centers advertising their cats! And every time you go on to their websites, there are new and cuter kittens looking for a home!
Before I went on any of these websites I was just thinking that I want a cat. Your basic finnish non-pedigree cat would be fine as long as they are cute to me. And I hate to say this because I LOVE cats and really want one but not all cats are cute. Or maybe I should say not all cats speak to me. I need to feel that bond with the cat and feel like that's the cat for me. And pictures can be deceiving, I know that. You don't see the personality of a cat from it's picture and even if they look like the perfect angels, they can be the cat from hell. So cuteness alone won't do. But it's a feeling you have to have. So now I'm kinda torn between your basic kitty versus a pedigree cat. I remember few years back Marianne telling me about rag dolls and how when her Milla dies years and years from now from old age, she'd like to get a rag doll. So when I started my research into kitties, I remembered her words and I had to check them out. And now I'm screwed. I kinda want to have a rag dolls and I kinda want to have a Birman! They are SO CUTE! and from what I've read, personalities couldn't be nicer. The only thing is, they cost a little more money that your basic kitty. The rescue organizations take about 80-120 euros for a cat depending on what all has been done (deworming, neutered/sterilized, microchip, vaccinations etc) and private people looking for a home for their cats/kittens take as little as 19 euros. The birmans and rag dolls though...go from somewhere around 350 to 800 euros! So my problem...Do I give in into my desperate desire to get a cat sooner rather than later and get your basic finnish kitty or do I try to control myself and wait till I have enough money to get a birman or rag doll? Or 2? Because I would really like 2 just so that they have company. In a way now would be the perfect time to get a kitten because I'm home all the time and could get the kitty acclimated and make sure it doesn't shred my new furniture into pieces! But right now I don;t have money for it... I guess I just need to believe that this too will work itself out, somehow, someway.
The private people looking for a home for their kitties are funny sometimes. Reading their ads, they make the most outrageous demands sometimes. Some ask that there is another cat in the home so that they have company, some ask that the cat will be the only one. Some want to give away 2 of their cats to the same place so that they have company, some say there can't be dogs, kids, kids under 12 etc etc. One even said to send them an e-mail and to describe the living conditions so that they can screen you! They said that they would pick the most suitable homes for their kittens! And I believe these were your basic Finnish kitties, not rag dolls, birmans, maine coons or anything like that! Crazy. Like I'm gonna audition for a cat! Believe me, when I finally get a cat, it's gonna be the most loved kitty in the world!
Now I should TRY to be productive and do something other than think/look/write about cats!
Later
Before I went on any of these websites I was just thinking that I want a cat. Your basic finnish non-pedigree cat would be fine as long as they are cute to me. And I hate to say this because I LOVE cats and really want one but not all cats are cute. Or maybe I should say not all cats speak to me. I need to feel that bond with the cat and feel like that's the cat for me. And pictures can be deceiving, I know that. You don't see the personality of a cat from it's picture and even if they look like the perfect angels, they can be the cat from hell. So cuteness alone won't do. But it's a feeling you have to have. So now I'm kinda torn between your basic kitty versus a pedigree cat. I remember few years back Marianne telling me about rag dolls and how when her Milla dies years and years from now from old age, she'd like to get a rag doll. So when I started my research into kitties, I remembered her words and I had to check them out. And now I'm screwed. I kinda want to have a rag dolls and I kinda want to have a Birman! They are SO CUTE! and from what I've read, personalities couldn't be nicer. The only thing is, they cost a little more money that your basic kitty. The rescue organizations take about 80-120 euros for a cat depending on what all has been done (deworming, neutered/sterilized, microchip, vaccinations etc) and private people looking for a home for their cats/kittens take as little as 19 euros. The birmans and rag dolls though...go from somewhere around 350 to 800 euros! So my problem...Do I give in into my desperate desire to get a cat sooner rather than later and get your basic finnish kitty or do I try to control myself and wait till I have enough money to get a birman or rag doll? Or 2? Because I would really like 2 just so that they have company. In a way now would be the perfect time to get a kitten because I'm home all the time and could get the kitty acclimated and make sure it doesn't shred my new furniture into pieces! But right now I don;t have money for it... I guess I just need to believe that this too will work itself out, somehow, someway.
The private people looking for a home for their kitties are funny sometimes. Reading their ads, they make the most outrageous demands sometimes. Some ask that there is another cat in the home so that they have company, some ask that the cat will be the only one. Some want to give away 2 of their cats to the same place so that they have company, some say there can't be dogs, kids, kids under 12 etc etc. One even said to send them an e-mail and to describe the living conditions so that they can screen you! They said that they would pick the most suitable homes for their kittens! And I believe these were your basic Finnish kitties, not rag dolls, birmans, maine coons or anything like that! Crazy. Like I'm gonna audition for a cat! Believe me, when I finally get a cat, it's gonna be the most loved kitty in the world!
Now I should TRY to be productive and do something other than think/look/write about cats!
Later
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Dear Santa
Here's my x-mas list. I've been a good girl but since we won't be celebrating x-mas this year, I doubt I'll get any of these. But if for some reason you will swing by my apartment, here are some things I would like and need.
Outside the obvious things that we won't mention I would like:
A cat or 2. It's great to have my own space and privacy but it can get lonely. A cat or 2 would make me feel just a little less lonely. I already have names picked out for them and they would receive ALL the love a cat can get. I would prefer Birman but will not kick out rag dolls either. I understand they are expensive and I wouldn't have imagined that I would pay (a lot of) money for a cat not so long ago but since the break up I've had to re-evaluate a lot of things so if you can't get me one, I understand. I will wait till I can pay for them. No worries.
I need speakers for my computer and iPods. One of those docks would be great, maybe with an alarm clock but any kind of a speaker that can make it easier for me to listen to my music whether from my computer or iPod would be appreciated. I have my iCat in the storage in Jersey and I just sold mine because I thought I wouldn't need them so now I'm kinda screwed.
A bedside lamp. My Moscow 1980 Olympics lamp is fried and caused my bedroom to smell like smoke for days so I don't think it can be used anymore. Sad because it is and was a great lamp. It would be useful is all I'm saying.
Super Mario DS or WII. For whatever reason they are the same price (expensive) and I always said when I get a job I'd like to get a DS for my commute. Well, if I get the job from across the street the commute doesn't really require a DS but I love Super Mario...and WII would always be useful. I showed them to Arttu but I can't see him buying them for me when I can't afford to get him anything. And besides, It is not necessary.
Plane tickets to NYC to go get my stuff. How am I supposed to move on if I have to worry about my stuff and visit there?
Flat screen TV.
Dishwasher. I can't have one in this apartment because there's no room for it but I HATE doing dishes. I hate touching dishes that are under dirty water and I hate my prune hands after I've done the dishes. It's just NOT for me.
Washing machine. That I could have here and it would make my life easier than going to my parents and washing my 2 shirts there.
Patience. I used to have it. Right now with my own shit I just don't have the patience for other people's crap. I feel like I'm about to burst and not in a good way and there's nothing I can do about it. I need to be able to get over the hurt, anger and sadness and move on. To listen to other people's worries and really be able to focus on it/them.
Peace of mind. I know who I am and what I want and I used to know where I was going. I had a clear plan and path but it was derailed. And now it's all foggy. Graduation from MSU, a job, a work visa, life with Tiffany...Where I'm heading right now is a mystery and I don't like it. I used to think that as long as I have Tiffany in my life, the other things will work themselves out. Well...
I thought that was enough but...I do need Sheets, towels and other every day stuff so if you need more ideas, just ask!
Later!
Outside the obvious things that we won't mention I would like:
A cat or 2. It's great to have my own space and privacy but it can get lonely. A cat or 2 would make me feel just a little less lonely. I already have names picked out for them and they would receive ALL the love a cat can get. I would prefer Birman but will not kick out rag dolls either. I understand they are expensive and I wouldn't have imagined that I would pay (a lot of) money for a cat not so long ago but since the break up I've had to re-evaluate a lot of things so if you can't get me one, I understand. I will wait till I can pay for them. No worries.
I need speakers for my computer and iPods. One of those docks would be great, maybe with an alarm clock but any kind of a speaker that can make it easier for me to listen to my music whether from my computer or iPod would be appreciated. I have my iCat in the storage in Jersey and I just sold mine because I thought I wouldn't need them so now I'm kinda screwed.
A bedside lamp. My Moscow 1980 Olympics lamp is fried and caused my bedroom to smell like smoke for days so I don't think it can be used anymore. Sad because it is and was a great lamp. It would be useful is all I'm saying.
Super Mario DS or WII. For whatever reason they are the same price (expensive) and I always said when I get a job I'd like to get a DS for my commute. Well, if I get the job from across the street the commute doesn't really require a DS but I love Super Mario...and WII would always be useful. I showed them to Arttu but I can't see him buying them for me when I can't afford to get him anything. And besides, It is not necessary.
Plane tickets to NYC to go get my stuff. How am I supposed to move on if I have to worry about my stuff and visit there?
Flat screen TV.
Dishwasher. I can't have one in this apartment because there's no room for it but I HATE doing dishes. I hate touching dishes that are under dirty water and I hate my prune hands after I've done the dishes. It's just NOT for me.
Washing machine. That I could have here and it would make my life easier than going to my parents and washing my 2 shirts there.
Patience. I used to have it. Right now with my own shit I just don't have the patience for other people's crap. I feel like I'm about to burst and not in a good way and there's nothing I can do about it. I need to be able to get over the hurt, anger and sadness and move on. To listen to other people's worries and really be able to focus on it/them.
Peace of mind. I know who I am and what I want and I used to know where I was going. I had a clear plan and path but it was derailed. And now it's all foggy. Graduation from MSU, a job, a work visa, life with Tiffany...Where I'm heading right now is a mystery and I don't like it. I used to think that as long as I have Tiffany in my life, the other things will work themselves out. Well...
I thought that was enough but...I do need Sheets, towels and other every day stuff so if you need more ideas, just ask!
Later!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Casa Kemppi is open for visitors!
So the move was a week ago and I still have few things to put into place but overall I've settled in. Furniture is in place, kitchen is done and bedroom is getting there. This is really cool apartment and I'm so happy I got it. It's weird being alone and having so much room but I'm sure I will get used to it. Now I just need a job and everything would be...ok.
As I've ben unpacking my stuff I've noticed how much I dragged with me to USA. And it's awesome to notice how much I invested in our life together. We bought stuff for our kitchen that is now in Brooklyn probably gathering dust un-used. We bought a whole set of towels and I'm realizing I have 2 sets here. We bought sheets and I'm realizing I don't have any here. I had to get an under sheet from my mom because I didn't have any. Picture frames, coasters, little niknaks...all there. And let's not forget about my clothes! This would be a great situation for a shopaholic if I had money to go buy new stuff. But I don't so I am trying to get by with what little I have and hopefully be able to go get mine from BK soon. But hey, I can't really mess up the place because there's not much stuff to displace!
I thought my interview went well and for once my unemployment might be working FOR me instead of against me. Work is waiting for someone to do it and they want the person to start ASAP. I told them I could have started last Wednesday. And my education and experience from the environmental companies in Forssa should come in handy. BUT, I haven't heard anything yet. The last day to apply was on Tuesday, the day I interviewed so they might be interviewing more people next week. But I feel quite confident about this. Forssa isn't necessarily my first choice but there's nothing waiting for me out there in the big wide world now so I might as well settle down for a few and regroup. And the job seems very exciting and challenging. Earlier this fall I did say I would slash my wrists if I was still in Forssa on my 31st birthday so I might have to take that back. If I'm unemployed by my 31st b-day, then all bets are off!
Arttu gave me his PS2 and I was playing some Guitar Hero yesterday. Same game I had for WII so I know the songs...I think he has 2 or 3 different so I can learn new ones as well. The bad thing about it though is that it gives me a tunnel vision. Afterwards for awhile it affects my line of vision and I need to chill.
I had to go exchange my last dollars today. Interests for my loans need to be paid on the 15th and I have to have 900 euros on my account and I was little short so it had to be done. It's sad but what can you do?
I went to Euromarket's clearance sale today with a list of things I needed for my apartment...my list was shorten by 1 item and I couldn't find the other stuff. But I came home with 2 bags of stuff! I bought food which was 20% off so that's good but the other stuff just wanted to come home with me. And I bought some make up. If I really am single (yikes) I guess I should at some point put myself out there. Not any time soon but I should be ready, right? Be prepared? Although putting myself out there in Forssa is probably a waste of time, money, energy and effort. Sigh...I don't wanna be single.
I will leave you with this depressing topic. I had more on my mind while I was out but can't remember what it was anymore. Getting old I guess.
You are all welcome to come see my new place. Just call first so that I will know you are coming and can make sure you are not some fee collector. Cuz I might or might not have paid a fee that's required by law and I don't want anyone knocking on my door or more specifically I don't want to open the door for a collector so if I don't know you are coming, I won't open my door! And that would just suck now wouldn't it?
Have a great weekend and go buy bags from my mom at the x-mas market this weekend! Later
As I've ben unpacking my stuff I've noticed how much I dragged with me to USA. And it's awesome to notice how much I invested in our life together. We bought stuff for our kitchen that is now in Brooklyn probably gathering dust un-used. We bought a whole set of towels and I'm realizing I have 2 sets here. We bought sheets and I'm realizing I don't have any here. I had to get an under sheet from my mom because I didn't have any. Picture frames, coasters, little niknaks...all there. And let's not forget about my clothes! This would be a great situation for a shopaholic if I had money to go buy new stuff. But I don't so I am trying to get by with what little I have and hopefully be able to go get mine from BK soon. But hey, I can't really mess up the place because there's not much stuff to displace!
I thought my interview went well and for once my unemployment might be working FOR me instead of against me. Work is waiting for someone to do it and they want the person to start ASAP. I told them I could have started last Wednesday. And my education and experience from the environmental companies in Forssa should come in handy. BUT, I haven't heard anything yet. The last day to apply was on Tuesday, the day I interviewed so they might be interviewing more people next week. But I feel quite confident about this. Forssa isn't necessarily my first choice but there's nothing waiting for me out there in the big wide world now so I might as well settle down for a few and regroup. And the job seems very exciting and challenging. Earlier this fall I did say I would slash my wrists if I was still in Forssa on my 31st birthday so I might have to take that back. If I'm unemployed by my 31st b-day, then all bets are off!
Arttu gave me his PS2 and I was playing some Guitar Hero yesterday. Same game I had for WII so I know the songs...I think he has 2 or 3 different so I can learn new ones as well. The bad thing about it though is that it gives me a tunnel vision. Afterwards for awhile it affects my line of vision and I need to chill.
I had to go exchange my last dollars today. Interests for my loans need to be paid on the 15th and I have to have 900 euros on my account and I was little short so it had to be done. It's sad but what can you do?
I went to Euromarket's clearance sale today with a list of things I needed for my apartment...my list was shorten by 1 item and I couldn't find the other stuff. But I came home with 2 bags of stuff! I bought food which was 20% off so that's good but the other stuff just wanted to come home with me. And I bought some make up. If I really am single (yikes) I guess I should at some point put myself out there. Not any time soon but I should be ready, right? Be prepared? Although putting myself out there in Forssa is probably a waste of time, money, energy and effort. Sigh...I don't wanna be single.
I will leave you with this depressing topic. I had more on my mind while I was out but can't remember what it was anymore. Getting old I guess.
You are all welcome to come see my new place. Just call first so that I will know you are coming and can make sure you are not some fee collector. Cuz I might or might not have paid a fee that's required by law and I don't want anyone knocking on my door or more specifically I don't want to open the door for a collector so if I don't know you are coming, I won't open my door! And that would just suck now wouldn't it?
Have a great weekend and go buy bags from my mom at the x-mas market this weekend! Later
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Kingdom of Kemppi
Obviously the name needs tweaking but I'm declaring my own sovereign kingdom (or queendom) and have come up with a 5 and 10 year plans, just like Soviet Union did once upon a time. This does not include work camps or rides to Siberia if you don't follow my plan, it is just a vision for me, myself and I. Since I am the queen and the only resident, the only one suffering because of this is me.
Since my life hasn't exactly been going according to plan or the way I wanted/wished it would lately, I am just listing some things I want to happen in the future. Happiness, job, health, love, money are obvious choices so I won't go into detail on those all that much. These are just things I want to do before it's too late. Most important thing is personal happiness and it would be nice if that could be achieved in a short period of time but I know it's a process and I have things to work on before that's possible.
1. I would like to go to as many major sports venues as possible. I would LOVE to experience World Cup in person but since the next 3 are in Brazil, Russia and Qatar, I don't really have major interest of going any of those countries plus it could get really expensive. If St. Petersburg has games, maybe then. I would have loved to do this while I was still relatively young but if 2026 the games are in a country where I want to go, then maybe I will. This probably requires a sports nut partner but I can go alone too, not a problem.
I want to experience Euro tournament. Would be nice if Finland could qualify but it's not necessary. I can cheer for England or Holland or any number of other countries.
I want to go see another Manchester United game at Old Trafford. Awesome team, awesome stadium and decades of tradition. They don't call it the Theater of Dreams for nothing!
I want to go to another Winter Olympic hockey tournament. It's unlikely that I will ever see a match like that between Finland and Sweden in Torino final but it was a great experience.
I want to go see Finland play in a Ice hockey World Championship tournament. 2012 and 13 when the games are in Finland, I'll be there!
2. I want to travel. After I got a job we were supposed to go to Disney World. Doesn't look like that's happening but I can still make it on my own. It probably is better to do it with someone though. I doubt that even the happiest place on earth can erase loneliness.
I want to go to Hawaii. I've always wanted to, almost went to work there for a summer 7 years ago but visa prevented it. I know it's a tourist trap and expensive as hell these days but there's something magical about that place.
I'd like to go to a cruise around Caribbean. Another thing we were supposed to do but didn't. Another thing that should be done with someone else. There are a lot of other places I'd like to go too but those were the major ones for now.
In a short term I want to go visit my friend Maria in Madrid and experience Spain. And maybe Amsterdam in April
3. I want to learn how to live in the moment. It is a hard art form to master but something that is crucial to enjoying your life. For the past year my focus has been on finding a job and not being kicked out of USA. We put off so many things because I thought we'd have the time to do them later and now it's too late. In retrospect I think it's important to celebrate each occasion/birthday/achievement when you can because you never know when it all will change and then it's too late. We didn't celebrate my graduation because I wanted to save it for when I got a job and we could go to Disney or a cruise and I could get a kitten. Well, guess what? Too late now. Right now I might be living in the past and the shoulda coulda woulda's don't help but you should live your life in a way that there won't be any regrets. Do the things you want when you want and can and don't put off things because it's not a good time now. That tomorrow might never come so enjoy your today's while you can. I think that will be in the constitution of Kingdom of Kemppi.
From now on I will try to enjoy my life and do the things I want. No more putting life on hold because of stupid reasons. This is all easier said than done but I will try my hardest.
Later
Since my life hasn't exactly been going according to plan or the way I wanted/wished it would lately, I am just listing some things I want to happen in the future. Happiness, job, health, love, money are obvious choices so I won't go into detail on those all that much. These are just things I want to do before it's too late. Most important thing is personal happiness and it would be nice if that could be achieved in a short period of time but I know it's a process and I have things to work on before that's possible.
1. I would like to go to as many major sports venues as possible. I would LOVE to experience World Cup in person but since the next 3 are in Brazil, Russia and Qatar, I don't really have major interest of going any of those countries plus it could get really expensive. If St. Petersburg has games, maybe then. I would have loved to do this while I was still relatively young but if 2026 the games are in a country where I want to go, then maybe I will. This probably requires a sports nut partner but I can go alone too, not a problem.
I want to experience Euro tournament. Would be nice if Finland could qualify but it's not necessary. I can cheer for England or Holland or any number of other countries.
I want to go see another Manchester United game at Old Trafford. Awesome team, awesome stadium and decades of tradition. They don't call it the Theater of Dreams for nothing!
I want to go to another Winter Olympic hockey tournament. It's unlikely that I will ever see a match like that between Finland and Sweden in Torino final but it was a great experience.
I want to go see Finland play in a Ice hockey World Championship tournament. 2012 and 13 when the games are in Finland, I'll be there!
2. I want to travel. After I got a job we were supposed to go to Disney World. Doesn't look like that's happening but I can still make it on my own. It probably is better to do it with someone though. I doubt that even the happiest place on earth can erase loneliness.
I want to go to Hawaii. I've always wanted to, almost went to work there for a summer 7 years ago but visa prevented it. I know it's a tourist trap and expensive as hell these days but there's something magical about that place.
I'd like to go to a cruise around Caribbean. Another thing we were supposed to do but didn't. Another thing that should be done with someone else. There are a lot of other places I'd like to go too but those were the major ones for now.
In a short term I want to go visit my friend Maria in Madrid and experience Spain. And maybe Amsterdam in April
3. I want to learn how to live in the moment. It is a hard art form to master but something that is crucial to enjoying your life. For the past year my focus has been on finding a job and not being kicked out of USA. We put off so many things because I thought we'd have the time to do them later and now it's too late. In retrospect I think it's important to celebrate each occasion/birthday/achievement when you can because you never know when it all will change and then it's too late. We didn't celebrate my graduation because I wanted to save it for when I got a job and we could go to Disney or a cruise and I could get a kitten. Well, guess what? Too late now. Right now I might be living in the past and the shoulda coulda woulda's don't help but you should live your life in a way that there won't be any regrets. Do the things you want when you want and can and don't put off things because it's not a good time now. That tomorrow might never come so enjoy your today's while you can. I think that will be in the constitution of Kingdom of Kemppi.
From now on I will try to enjoy my life and do the things I want. No more putting life on hold because of stupid reasons. This is all easier said than done but I will try my hardest.
Later
Friday, December 3, 2010
It's gonna be a good day!
I'M MOVING TODAY!!! Need I say more? I'll be sleeping in my own bed in my own apartment tonight! All though the picture in my mind of my apartment, except for the TV in the living room which is Arttu's, ALL the furniture will be coming from Elviira and Mikko! With a little refurbishing from my mom. I think my computer will be the only thing there that is mine and I bought that second hand! OMG, I'm turning into a recycler! Or re-user... which ever...
I have appointment at 11, then more packing and finishing, going to get the van, go to Elviira and Mikko's to get the furniture that's there, going to my apartment and dropping them off, coming here to get the rest of the stuff, going back to my apartment, unloading and returning the van, all before 6pm. Awesome! After that it's unpacking time! I have a feeling that I'll be crashing HARD tonight!
Busy day people! Later!
I have appointment at 11, then more packing and finishing, going to get the van, go to Elviira and Mikko's to get the furniture that's there, going to my apartment and dropping them off, coming here to get the rest of the stuff, going back to my apartment, unloading and returning the van, all before 6pm. Awesome! After that it's unpacking time! I have a feeling that I'll be crashing HARD tonight!
Busy day people! Later!
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