I don't know how to relax

As I was walking to the grocery store today I felt weird. For the past 3 years I haven't really been able to fully enjoy the weekends and supposed relaxation as there has always been something to worry about. Finding a job so I wouldn't be kicked out of US. Finding a job to have a job. Finding a job to have money. Finding a job to have a resemblance of a life. There was always job searching to be done, resumes to tweak, applications to write. Now that I could just relax and fully enjoy the possibility of doing nothing, or to enjoy the things I like to do, like catching up on my shows, or reading, I can't fully commit. Weird! i feel like there's something I should be doing or worrying about.

The job has been great! I am coordinating 3 active projects and 2 that have a month before they are finished. There are couple of projects in the works which are just waiting for a funding and if granted will start soon. I have been super busy and really thrown in the middle of some tricky and time sensitive situation but it's exactly what I wanted from a job; challenges and learning something new every day. I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job and I have learned to put aside my feeling of not wanting to sound stupid and ask the stupid questions and admit when I'm not following. No one has laughed at me yet. My co-workers are great, my department is great and everyone at the town hall has been really helpful. And on Monday I'm going to the weekly meeting of the department heads and Mayor to introduce myself and talk about what's going on with the projects.

So things are finally looking up. The bout of bad karma/luck that hindered me for few years seems to have passed. It's a new beginning, new year and all that jazz. Oh, and I'm coming out at my high school! Another Alive Library being organized in Forssa in April at my old high school and the students were asked to name books they'd like to borrow and lesbian was requested. I was contacted and after asking a day off from work I said yes. I might be over thinking my importance but like I've said before, I could have benefited from seeing a real life lesbian when I was that age. Hopefully, maybe, my being there will help someone. And if not, I still get to hang out with some cool people.