TMI

Just had to share the awesomeness that are my cats. We've been running low, and when I say low, I mean really REALLY low on cat litter and I've just been waiting for pay day so I can get some more. And even though we've pretty much reached critical limit in the levels of litter in the litter box, my two cute fluffy flufferson's did NOT pee or poop outside their litter box.  So here's a shout out to Brooklyn and Dunkin Donuts!

Bitching and moaning

For the non-Finnish speaking readers of mine (no need to identify yourselves, you know who you are), it was not my intention to exclude you from the awesomeness that are my posts, but you, as non-locals, were not really the target audience for that post.

Last year we started a peer (support) group for lgb people in my home town, and the launch has been kind of rocky. Basically, every other time I have sat there by my lonesome, and lemme tell ya, it ain't fun! So, I made a post about it and even though I mainly write this for myself, published it on my and Forssa Pride's Facebook pages in hopes of reaching at least some of the people who might be interested in joining the group.

I have been thinking a lot lately, about the post and the whole situation. It could be that I'm the only gay in this god forsaken town that isn't actually happy with the way things are, and aren't speaking for a larger a group like I though. Maybe the reason we are not visible or aren't acknowledged by the town or health care or social services is because every other gay person in this town/area is coupled up, happy with the way their lives are, and don't need the recognition or equality I crave for? Maybe my one woman crusade for equality is just for me?

Yeah right! But I gotta say, I got some readers from interesting places for my last post. From Utah, through Facebook. Do I know anybody from Utah? Do I know anyone who has been there lately? Granted, I don't personally know all the people who follow Forssa Pride on Facebook, but still. And Singapore...You know, ALL of you who read my blog, if you'd like to drop a line and tell me how you found your way here and what it is that brings you back, I'd appreciate it. But, I'm fairly certain you won't do it and I rather keep you than make you do things you don't want to, so no pressure. Do as you wish.

In other seriously exciting news, Forssa Pride Party 2.0 is a go! In case you want to experience this amazing party, come to Forssa, Finland on April 26th. It's a Friday, the bar opens up at 10pm and we'll continue until 4am. You do have to be 18 though. Legal drinking age in Finland. Our amazing poster designer is creating yet another poster for FPP 2.0 and I'll be sure to publish it here as well when it's finished. And we're probably making FPP 2.0 badges again unless we come up with something else. Stay tuned and check our Facebook page Facebook.com/forssapride.

Oh yeah, While we're at it...we changed the peer group name to something more media sexy: Gay Cafe- sateenkaarikansan kohtaamispaikka. And we'll have a poster coming soon too! And in case you are local; every other Thusday at 5:30pm, even weeks, at Rautatienkatu 12, Forssa. See you there!

seksuaalivähemmistöjen vertaisryhmästä

Oliskohan tämä toinen suomenkielinen kirjoitukseni blogini 5-vuotisessa historiassa.

Istuessani tänään toista kertaa peräkkäin Forssan seudun mielenterveysseuran toimistolla yksninäni "vetämässä" seksuaalivähemmistöjen vertaisryhmää, veri vähän kiehahti.  On meinaan Forssassa ja Forssalaisilla asiat ihan järkyttävän hyvin, kun vertaisryhmälle ei ole tarvetta. Kuusi kertaa se on kokoontunut, ja niistä neljänä kertana olen siellä itseäni huvittanut.

FSMS:n koordinaattorin kanssa olemme keskustelleet asiasta ja tulleet siihen tulokseen, että tarvitsisimme lisää näkyvyyttä mediassa, sekä paikalliset tahot, jonne ihmiset menevät etsimään apua, tietoiseksi ryhmän olemassaolosta. Omalta osaltani, kun ajattelen ketä ryhmä voisi eniten palvella, on ihmiset, jotka ehkä miettivät omaa seksuaalisuuttansa, tai mahdollisesti häpeaävät sitä, tai eivät ole vielä täysin sinut itsensä kanssa. On erittäin vapauttavaa puhua toisen lesbon kanssa, joka pystyy samaistumaan sinun kokemuksiisi niin nykytilanteessa, kuin silloin kuin itse mietin voisinko olla lesbo.

Sinun ei kuitankaan tarvitse "kärsiä" homoudestasi voidaksesi osallistua ryhmän toimintaan. Uusien ystävien saaminen, uusiin ihmisiin tutustuminen, seuran etsiminen erilaisiin muissa kaupungeissa järjestettäviin tapahtumiin (pride, leimarit, vinokino, paikallisten setojen toiminta ja ryhmät ym) voivat yhtä hyvin olla syy, jonka takia etsiydyt seuraani. Sanoisin seuraamme, mutta koska istun siellä yksin, en viitsi käyttää monikkoa.

On hienoa, että nykynuorten ei tarvitse kärsiä enää yksin kaappinsa perällä, vaan on kaiken maailman sosiaalista mediaa, keskustelupalstoja ja chattejä, joissa he voivat tyydyttää tiedonjanonsa ja tutustua itsensä kaltaisiin ihmisiin ympäri suomea ja maailmaa, jos sellaisia ei omasta kotikunnasta löydy ja tehdä sen vielä anonyymisti tietokoneensa ruudun takaa. On kuitenkin sääli, jos kunnassa järjestetään toimintaa, että sitä ei käytetä hyväksi, vaan mielummin jutellaan ihmisten kanssa, joita ei mahdollisesti koskaan tulla tapaamaan kasvotusten. En missään nimessä halua syyllistää ihmisiä, jotka mielummin keskustelevat netissä, tapasinhan itsekin exäni netin kautta, eikä hän ollut suomesta, saati sitten tältä mantereelta, mutta ihmiskontaki naamatusten voittaa anonyymin nettitutun, eikö? Ja tapaamisethan ovat joka toinen tiistai puolitoista tuntia kerrallaan, joten nettitutuille jää paljonkin aikaa sen jälkeen.

Jos sana "mielenterveys" tai "mielenterveysseura" saa sinut epäileväksi, niin niin sai minutkin. Koordinaatorin kanssa keskusteltuani ryhmän perustamisesta ja vetämisestä, löysin tieni googleen nopeastikin ja tutustuin FSMS:n toimintaan. Vaikka mielenterveys yhdistetäänkin "hulluuteen", kuuluu juuri tuon "hulluksi tulemisen" ennalta ehkäisy tärkeanä osana fsms:n toimintaa. Kaapissa olo, oman itsensä ja seksuaalisuutensa kieltäminen, eristäytyminen omasta yhteisöstänsä ja omasta elämästänsä, sekä syrjäytyminen ovat asioita, jotka saavat mielenterveyden järkkymään. Ei ole helppoa miettiä omaa seksuaalista suuntautumistansa yksin, jos yhteiskunta, perhe ja ystävät ympärillä eivät anna sinulle tilaa olla oma itsesi. Sen takia on hyvä tutustua ihmisiin, jotka ovat käyneet läpi samat asiat ja voivat samaistua tilanteeseesi. Olen syntyperäinen Forssalainen ja voin vannoa, että Forssassa seksuaalivähemmistöillä ei ole asiat niin hyvin, etteikö ryhmälle olisi tarvetta. Tai sitten posti on hukannut Forssan homojen supersalaisen salaseuran kutsuni?!? Jos sellainen löytyy, mä haluun mukaan!

Jos leimautumisen pelko on se tekijä, joka estää sinua osallistumasta, tai jos pelkäät, että sinua ei oteta vakavasti, niin voin vannoa, että ryhmän kokoontumiset ja siellä keskustellut asiat jäävät ryhmän sisälle.    Ryhmässä voidaan sopia säännöistä, joita noudatetaan ulkomaailmassa. Jos olet kaapissa, etkä halua tapaamisia tai muita asiaan liittyviä asioita mainittavan ulkomaailmassa kun kaupassa törmäämme, niin niistä ei tarvitse puhua. Ryhmän toiminta on luottamuksellista, ja kaikki siihen osallistuvat varmasti muistavat omat tuntemuksensa ja omat vaikeutensa ja sen pelkotilan, kun kaapinovella kurkki.

Ymmärrän, että ryhmän toimintaan osallistumisen kynnys on suuri. Yksin uuteen paikkaan ja uuteen ryhmään lähtö jännittää ja voi saada vatsan kuralle. Omista asioistaan puhuminen täysin vieraille ihmisille voi tuntua pelottavalta, mutta totuus on se, ainakin omalta kohdaltani, että täysin vieraalle kaapista ulostulo on helpompaa kuin tutulle. Perheelle, ystäville ja työkavereille omasta homoudestaan ja tuntemuksistaan voi olla vaikea puhua, koska silloin on enemmän menetettävää. Jos he eivät pysty hyväksymään sinua sellaisena kuin olet, voit menettää hyvän ystävän, pahimmassa tapauksessa perheenjäsenen tai koko perheesi. Tuntemattoman kohdalla voit ajatella, että se on heidän menetyksensä. Tietenkin pitää miettiä tilanne ja ihminen ja tarve tarkkaan, ennen kuin yksityisasioistansa menee kertomaan ulkopuolisille, mutta turvallisessa tilanteessa, kuten vertaisryhmän kokoontumisissa, se toivottavasti on helpompaa.

Vertaisryhmä sanana kuulostaa hieman siltä, että jonkinlaista traumaa pitää olla, ja sen käsittelyyn tarvitaan ja halutaan tukea. Ryhmään voit tulla myös vaikka olisitkin onnellisessa parisuhteessa, sinkku ja onnellinen, tai "naimisissa" elämäsi naisen/miehen kanssa ja 100%:n tyytyväinen itseesi ja elämääsi. Emme istu siellä ympyrässä ja käy vuorotellen jokaisen itkutarinaa läpi ja anna kannustavia taputuksia selälle ja rukoile puolestasi, vaan keskustelemme mistä ikinä ihmiset sinä päivänä haluavatkaan keskustella. Puhe on vapaa ja estraadi sinun jos niin haluat, tai jos haluat istua hiljaa ja kuunnella, niin sekin käy. Mihinkään ei pakoteta ja osallistumispakkoa ei ole.

Olisin kiinnostunut kuulemaan seutukunnan lhb ja miksei myös t-ihmisten tuntemuksia ja näkemyksiä. Jos olet forssan seudulta ja kiinnostunut ryhmästä, mutten ole tapaamiseen tullut, kertoisitko miksi et käy ryhmässä ja mitä voisin tehdä sen eteen, että kynnys lähteä ryhmään olisi matalampi? Ja jos sinua ei kiinnosta ryhmän toiminta, niin sekin on ihan ok. Meillä kaikilla on erillaiset tarpeet eikä kaikilla ole tarvetta vertaisryhmälle. Voit kommentoida joko tätä kirjoitusta, tai lähettää yksityisviestiä Forssa Priden facebook sivuilla, tai lähettää sähköpostia forssapride@gmail.com.

Mielelläni näkisin muitakin kuin oman naamani tapaamisissa. Ja nehän ovat, toisin kuin kaupungilla olevien ilmoitustaulujen julisteissa lukee, PARILLISTEN viikkojen tiistaisin 17.30-19.00 FSMS:n toimistolla, Rautatienkatu 2, Forssa.

Toukokuulle asti olen sitoutunut "vetämään" ryhmää, sen jälkeen mietitään tarvetta uusiksi, jos yksinäni siellä istuskelen koko kevään.

Guide to understanding me

Before we get to the meaty stuff, let me wish you a happy new year. 2012 was pretty good, let's hope 2013 will top it!

If you know me, or want to get to know me, there are few things you should know about me. For the past few years I have been working towards self awareness, trying to understand who I am and why I am the way I am. Maybe about a week ago I came across this post on Tumblr and it was like a guide to understanding me. This is "a nine signs you might be an introvert" By Sophia Dembling at Huffington Post.

1 You rarely think, “the more the merrier”

Introverts are happiest one-on-one or in small groups. For us, “more” is less merry than it is overwhelming. We prefer conversation to chitchat, and that’s easier in small groups.
The happiest socializing for us is lunch with a friend, or an intimate dinner party, or maybe a party of ten to 20 people, most of whom we know. 

I don’t go to parties to meet people as much as to hang out with people I already know and like, which is one reason I like giving parties. And I’m usually bummed when small-scale plans turn into big group plans because someone has decided “the more the merrier.” I tend to get a little overwhelmed and shut down in large groups. For me, it’s “the less the livelier.”

(I get quiet at crowds. One on one or with a small crowd I'm fine. Once people I don't know or don't really care for join us, I stop talking)

2 You consider doing nothing doing something

Introverts are perfectly happy home alone. If I’ve planned an evening at home (and I plan many more of those than evenings out), it takes one hell of an awesome invitation to get me to change course. 

Being alone is an activity to me—it’s time to let my brain relax, fall into its own grooves. I get stuff done, indulge in hobbies, sometimes I just daydream. 

After a period with lots of social interaction, quiet solitude is not just pleasant, but crucial. Solitude is a performance-enhancing exercise, in a category, I think, with sleep. 

If during alone time someone calls and says “whatcha doin’?” I might say, “nothing,” because people don’t understand. But to me, doing nothing is doing something. 

(After work I'm just fine sitting home reading or playing super Mario or playing with the kitties or watching something I enjoy. There doesn't need to be a lot of activity. I look forward to things when I plan something with friends, but I don't have to have that very often)

3 Sometimes you feel like your head might explode

Recent research using brain scans suggests that introverts have very busy brains, which is one reason why doing nothing feels like doing something. While we might look like we’re just staring into space, our brains are on overdrive. 

Add to that any sort of external stimulation, and our brains can feel very busy indeed. Lots of people talking at us, or a full day without a solitude break, or several consecutive days of interaction, can make us feel like our brains have been overfilled, pumped up like a bicycle tire, and liable to blow at any time if we don’t get a few minutes (hours, days) of quiet solitude. 

Avoiding the head-might-explode feeling is a big motivator for introverts. We’re always looking for that quiet spot to avert head-explosion. 

(Doing something mindless like playing Bejeweled Blitz helps)

4 You hide in the bathroom sometimes

Every introvert knows the exquisite joy of stepping away from a party or other social event and into the bathroom, where you can close the door and let your brain settle down. And you can go even when you don’t have to go. 

The bathroom is always available to us when we need a break from the action, when our heads are reaching explosion-level fullness, when we feel like we’ve chatted our last chit and haven’t a syllable left.

At times I’ve worried people would think I have a bladder problem, so frequent were my trips to the loo. But I’m willing to risk that. A few moments in the bathroom is like a catnap for the brain. (Even a stall can do the trick, as long as a chattery friend isn’t in the stall next door.)

Better yet, it’s a trick that works anywhere—parties, restaurants, even the office. Anywhere there’s a bathroom, there’s a quiet place for us. 

5 You are ready to leave parties shortly after arriving

Attending parties is among the social contracts we make with friends: Friends go to friends’ parties. Sometimes I even enjoy parties, especially small to midsize ones. Sometimes I enjoy them to the wee hours, even.

But not usually. Usually, a little bit of party is plenty.

And we’re not minglers. My party tactic involves spending long periods in one spot and letting the party come to me. I’m like an ocean sponge, soaking up any party fun that drifts my way. 

Although some introverts (especially college aged) have been convinced otherwise, nobody is compelled to stay at a party until the food is picked over and you’re reaching for the drink you’ll regret to help you through another hour of fun. Or “fun.” As in “not fun.”

Introverts often get stuck at parties, longing to leave but unable to make a move. But knowing how to leave a party is crucial, because if you know you can leave when you’ve had enough, showing up in the first place is lots easier.

(This is so me. I enjoy sitting down and watching people. I don't like to mingle, make small talk, start conversations and I don't need to dance just because everyone else is. Give me 1 interesting person and I can spend the whole party talking to that person. That's pretty much how FPP went for me after I had made my rounds as the hostess/organizer. This was also the reason why I think americans always think I am not having fun. If I'm not chatting with everybody and mingling, I can't be having fun)

6 You haven’t answered a ringing telephone in years

I rarely answer my telephone, often forget to check voicemail, and can take a shockingly long time to return phone calls. 

So sue me. 

The telephone is intrusive, especially for introverts, whose brains don’t switch gears all that quickly. When we’re deep in thought, a ringing telephone is like a shrieking alarm clock in the morning. 

And we often give bad phone—awkward, with pauses. We struggle without visual cues, and our tendency to ponder before we talk doesn’t play well on the telephone. Being stuck on a too-long call makes me want to chew off my own leg to escape.

Sometimes, if I’m feeling devil-may-care, I’ll pick up calls from far-flung friends who want to catch-up, But I more often let them go to voicemail and then make a date (via email) for us to talk. My friends understand.

Dislike of the phone is often presented as a moral failing. But honestly, it’s not the people on the phone we dislike, it’s the instrument of delivery.

(I do answer my phone, but ever since I had to make hundreds of calls because of job hunting in the US, I've hated phone calls. Like stated before, not a chit chatter; if I don't have anything to say, I'm not talking just to hear my voice. That's not a good trait to have when talking on the phone. I've also gotten better with calling, since I started with my job, but I often need to think about what I'm gonna say. Also, my voice messages suck)

7 You prefer one close friend to 100 lovely acquaintances

While we are not averse to knowing a lot of people, we don’t believe a large circle of friends is proof of social success. Just as we prefer in-depth conversation to chitchat, we prefer a few intimate friendships to a bunch of fun but superficial ones.

This is not because we don’t like people, but because we do—so much so that we want to really know those people we care about. We would rather know one person intimately than a dozen only slightly. Acquaintances are the chitchat of friendships: pleasant and necessary, but ultimately unfulfilling.

Of course, any attrition in our friendships can be a problem because replacing an intimate is difficult. So I try to maintain a wide circle of acquaintances as well, to make sure that when I’m alone, it’s by choice. 

(I've always had 1 best friend at a time, and it has always been a big blow when that friendship has ended because there hasn't been anyone to talk to about it. This is also why the break up was such a huge huge loss for me, she wasn't just my girlfriend, she was also my best friend. It's not good to be so attached to one person and I definitely "built my world around her". I think right now I might have the largest group of friends I've ever had, but some of them live in other cities and I only see them maybe 4-6 times a year. The ones living in Forssa I see maybe once a month, if that. And this is not to say that I don't want, or enjoy companionship or friendships, it just means I'm very self-reliant.)

8 You can’t imagine what all those people find to talk about

You see them everywhere: in cars, at the grocery store, walking down the street. People will cell phones pressed to their ears, chattering and chattering and chattering. What on earth do they find to talk about? 

I’m incapable of stringing that many words together at one time. Sometimes, I can’t even finish my own sentences, losing interest halfway through and trailing off. (Much to my husband’s irritation.) I have a terrible time remaining focused on idle conversation and am just as happy to let other people do the talking if they think they have something to say.

If you tap into an introvert’s deepest interests, you might release a stream of impassioned words. But in the day to day, we can be downright laconic and really do wonder what all those people are talking about. And why. 

(So true. I can chit chat when needed and I can be funny and engaging, but I don't necessarily want to)

9 You actively avoid anything that might devolve into audience participation

Little inspires terror in the heart of an introvert like seeing a performer scanning the audience for a volunteer. Or a show that ends with a cast-audience dance party. Or a singer who strolls out into the audience with the microphone, emoting at people. Even strolling mariachi is a little more audience participation than I’m comfortable with. 

While introverts are capable of being performers (Steve Martin, Julia Roberts), that’s something they do on their own terms. I even know of introverts who enjoy karaoke. True story. 

But being dragged into a show I am there just to watch is a nightmare. And that includes being dragged on the dance floor at a party. I have been known to dance, but in my own time and when I’m in the mood. I don’t need to join the fun. For me, watching is the fun. 

(If I wanted to participate or entertain, I'd be on stage. Not a fan of the spotlight and I have no need to be the center of attention. Which is funny with all the publicity I did for Forssa Pride and the peer group.)

So there you have it. A guide to understanding me a little better. Tell me that's not me?

Till next time!