What makes a parent?

Is it DNA? law? Intent? Marriage? Love?

One of the arguments the opposition uses to justify their stand on gay marriage is procreation. Same sex couples cannot create a child with both their DNA's, so they shouldn't be equally recognized in front of the law. Because there isn't enough people on this earth already. But I won't argue the "straight couples who can't have kids together shouldn't have the right to marry either" point here.

It seems that creating a child and not loving/supporting/taking care of them is made easier than wanting/loving and having one. And to be legally recognized as a parent isn't made easy either. Having a child that's legally recognized as the child of a same sex couple is made difficult, but it seems that having a child out of "wedlock" isn't the state preferred option either, even if the commitment, love , DNA and intent to be a parent are there.

My friend told me yesterday that because she and her fiance are not yet married, they have to go to a social worker to announce/admit the paternity. Until then the baby has her last name and I guess legally he's not the father? They've been together for forever, have a house together, are engaged and have a life together but that's not enough. I laughed. Told her they're treated as badly as a lesbian couple. I mean, obviously it's not the same as what I'd have to go through, but seriously? He was there when his son was born, couldn't he just announce his intent to be a father?

You know what does make a father int he eyes of the law? A marriage! And since marriage still is just between a man and a woman in Finland, I'm talking about fathers here. Had we a marriage that didn't need gender, I'd talk about parents. If a child is born in a marriage, even if the husband was not the biological father, his name will be on the birth certificate until they go and change it. Bureaucracy!

A lot of legal protection for children comes from their parents being married. I think this example just makes it so much more clearer why we need to fight for our rights. For my kids one day to be recognized as a child of their parents, legally, without any unnecessary bureaucratic hoops involved.

There are millions of kids around the world without parents, with single parents (when the other one left or wasn't around to begin with) or with parents that don't love them, didn't want them, and treat them badly. In our society, it's more preferable to keep a kid with their parents even in less than desirable conditions, because of DNA, than to make it easier for loving same sex couples to have a kid that's legally recognized as their own. I don't get it. I really don't.

A couple I knew in USA adopted 2 kids few months back after going through for what I can only imagine was a lot of legal hoops, money, bureaucracy and other crazy things. They were suffering from infertility and then became foster parents. Eventually they were able to adopt the kids in their care. If procreation is the only reason to be married, shouldn't they be denied the right to be married? Or if the infertility is found out after tying the knot, can they stay married? No one who meets them can't deny the love and commitment they have for each other, and I know those kids are super lucky to have them as their parents. DNA shouldn't play a part in it.

Love's what matters. Why can't people see it?

And even though I managed to make this post about my rights once again, it really is about my indignation over the way my friend is treated.