Feedback feels good

I sometimes feel like I live in a vacuum and don't really see the impact that my actions have. One of the biggest reasons for me leading Gay Cafe and organizing Forssa Pride is to create a Community for people around the area. Sometimes, especially when I was doing everything by myself and no one would show up, I felt like I'm living in this bubble and no one else is around. Why am I doing this again? Only gay in the village

Then we get to Forssa Pride and people are having fun, telling me they've had some much fun and how grateful they are that I've organized it. Same with recurring people at Gay Cafe, or new ones coming in and telling me they had so much fun. It feels amazing to hear that what I've created is helping others.

Last time at Gay Cafe I had invited a friend to lead the discussion, we had a 4 page spread in a local news paper to open the discussion about lgbt people as customers in social services and health care and I invited directors of social services from the 5 local municipalities and none of them showed up and only one had the decency to decline the invitation. Then today I found out that one has also been an active volunteer at FSMS but couldn't even bother to decline or reach out. I feel slighted but at the same time I realize how much this is needed. I won't give up.

I also need to learn not to take these things personally. It's hard, because they're things I've come up with, things I KNOW need improving, things I am doing to improve them and no one is listening. No one is paying attention. We're not important enough. Once again, we are invisible, and I feel it's ME that's invisible. And because I feel invisible here, it's sometimes hard to believe in the positive feedback I get from outside Forssa from people who are doing these things in areas where they have a big organization behind them with like-minded people helping them.

I love what I'm doing, at its best it's so rewarding and at its worst it's so frustrating. And this isn't even anything I get paid to do. I must really love it or be totally bat shit crazy!