It's still month and a half away and I haven't received my training material but as part of figuring out my story and journey, I wanted to go back to where it all started for me. The L Word. I wanted to remember the feeling of realizing that this was who I am and all the feelings and fears and doubts that come with it. It's obviously very much tangled with Tiffany as well so in a way I am trying to figure out myself and let go of Tiffany all at the same time. Trying to separate those 2 is very difficult as you can imagine but even though I met her through the show we didn't actually meet F2F until about a year after so I did have to figure out my identity by myself.
I have the whole 6 seasons and I have been watching them for the past maybe 3 weeks. I did not watch the first season yet, and I'm not exactly sure why. I guess it still might remind me of my situation and break up and maybe I wanted to escape that. But in order for me to remember all those feelings from 6 years ago, I DO need to watch the first season. And watch Jenny's journey.
As far as I'm concerned the show went downhill for seasons 2-4, since I was a Bette and Tina fan and they had all this shit happening to them from break up to other partners and with Tina, a man. But in season 5 they get back together and in season 6 they are actually happy together. So there's a happy ending. People can get broken up and still find their way back together. That's obviously not gonna be my story but it's good to have hope. It happens.
It's funny how when I check who have read my blog and where they come from and how they found me, my post "who killed Jenny F*****g Schecter" is still the one that brings random people in. I haven't read that post since I wrote it but I remember feeling so unbelievably frustrated at the time and after finishing season 6 I think I would write the exact same thing now as I did then. I'm not creative enough to understand why it had to end the way it did but I am still frustrated. But I also noticed that I am not as obsessed with the show as I was back then. I also know now who I am which I was just about to figure out back then so it doesn't affect me the same way anymore.
I also find it interesting and I would really like someone to psycho analyze me for this, WHY are both of my favorite lesbian TV characters, Tina on the L Word and Callie in Grey's anatomy sleeping with men? WHY? I don't identify with them so it's not that and I don't think I could be with a bisexual, so what is it? I know I'm over analyzing things and I have done that after I received my test results. Some of things I do and like can be explained now (I think), but I'm turning them into negative when they are just who I am. I also learned a lot about myself and have thought about who I am more. But it's weird seeing it on paper. But anyway...
Fun night coming up with Elviira and Mikko and munamies! Have yourselves a great weekend!
Later
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
And we wait some more
So I got my self assessment test results yesterday via e-mail with a note saying don't open them yet, let's go through them together. And that she'll call tomorrow, which now is today. I got a phone call at 8:50am from her...there's another project going on in HAMK that the manager wants to interview me for and he has some time at 10 am, can I come in? And afterwards to go see her and we'll go through my results. Ok, sure, whatever you want!
I didn't know anything about this other project and it was not even formally advertised like the other 2 or 3 jobs that they're trying to fill in at HAMK right now. I applied for a project coordinator job and would have 2 bosses and it's about logistics. Until the end of the year with a possibility to continue beyond. This new one, the interview was very informal, he basically told me about the project and what my job would be, didn't really ask many questions about me or my background. The work itself would not be anything too difficult but the project itself raises some ethical questions that I haven't really have had to think about before. I don't have strong feelings either way but I know plenty of people who do and who might have a problem once they hear what the deal is. But when it comes down to it, I need a job and I need the money. So If this project coordinator job doesn't work out, and this is offered to me, I will take it. I'll have a possible ethical hangover later.
As for my test results...The test gave me plenty to giggle about when I was doing it and wasn't really believing that it could reveal the true me but most of it was true. My sign, Virgo, is supposed to be neat freak, which I'm not, and precise and detail oriented, which I am to a certain degree. The test revealed that I am in fact detail oriented, I think things through thoroughly, I'm diplomatic (what?), I'm organized and like structure, can communicate effectively orally and in written form, finish what I started, persuasive, doesn't like change (?), can comprehend technical information from a certain field, logical, might not be able to delegate (lol), doesn't like confrontation (so true!!!)...and perfectionist? WHAT???
It also revealed that even though I am usually very straight forward and agreeable, don't require much and am shy, I can sometimes change my behavior radically under a lot of stress and become aggressive. and defensive. I guess that's true too...and it also says that is not me in general. It's against my nature. true.
It also says that I don't have any frustrations, problems or stress which means I am suited for assignments and projects. Which means that I'd be great at this project coordinator job, right?
When it comes to motivating me, I am motivated by: limited exposure (no need or want for spotlight, true), organized work environment, and clear rules. I wanna be sure my work is correct and well done, I like to feel secure, be well-liked and work as a part of a group. In ideal situation my boss would be democratic and participating and who supports me. All true.
Benefits for the organization: I'm analytical, punctual, precise, and logical with my approach to task at hand with good communication skills and ability to listen to others objectively and patiently. My organized ways will find the best possible solution and work best as a part of a group.
This is what 24 questions with 4 options each, picking out the most and least likely word to describe me came up with. Pretty good. I guess I'm a believer now. I just hope that this fits in the frame that they had in mind.
Now they go through the other tests with the other applicants and tomorrow meet with the director to recommend someone. And then early next week I will know whether I got it or not. And ideally I would start on Tuesday so this is cutting it close. And I was so ready to go shopping!
But whoever said no one will come get you from home was wrong! I did NOT apply for this second job was INVITED to come interview! Maybe early next week I'll have 4 jobs to choose from!
Have a great day!
Later.
I didn't know anything about this other project and it was not even formally advertised like the other 2 or 3 jobs that they're trying to fill in at HAMK right now. I applied for a project coordinator job and would have 2 bosses and it's about logistics. Until the end of the year with a possibility to continue beyond. This new one, the interview was very informal, he basically told me about the project and what my job would be, didn't really ask many questions about me or my background. The work itself would not be anything too difficult but the project itself raises some ethical questions that I haven't really have had to think about before. I don't have strong feelings either way but I know plenty of people who do and who might have a problem once they hear what the deal is. But when it comes down to it, I need a job and I need the money. So If this project coordinator job doesn't work out, and this is offered to me, I will take it. I'll have a possible ethical hangover later.
As for my test results...The test gave me plenty to giggle about when I was doing it and wasn't really believing that it could reveal the true me but most of it was true. My sign, Virgo, is supposed to be neat freak, which I'm not, and precise and detail oriented, which I am to a certain degree. The test revealed that I am in fact detail oriented, I think things through thoroughly, I'm diplomatic (what?), I'm organized and like structure, can communicate effectively orally and in written form, finish what I started, persuasive, doesn't like change (?), can comprehend technical information from a certain field, logical, might not be able to delegate (lol), doesn't like confrontation (so true!!!)...and perfectionist? WHAT???
It also revealed that even though I am usually very straight forward and agreeable, don't require much and am shy, I can sometimes change my behavior radically under a lot of stress and become aggressive. and defensive. I guess that's true too...and it also says that is not me in general. It's against my nature. true.
It also says that I don't have any frustrations, problems or stress which means I am suited for assignments and projects. Which means that I'd be great at this project coordinator job, right?
When it comes to motivating me, I am motivated by: limited exposure (no need or want for spotlight, true), organized work environment, and clear rules. I wanna be sure my work is correct and well done, I like to feel secure, be well-liked and work as a part of a group. In ideal situation my boss would be democratic and participating and who supports me. All true.
Benefits for the organization: I'm analytical, punctual, precise, and logical with my approach to task at hand with good communication skills and ability to listen to others objectively and patiently. My organized ways will find the best possible solution and work best as a part of a group.
This is what 24 questions with 4 options each, picking out the most and least likely word to describe me came up with. Pretty good. I guess I'm a believer now. I just hope that this fits in the frame that they had in mind.
Now they go through the other tests with the other applicants and tomorrow meet with the director to recommend someone. And then early next week I will know whether I got it or not. And ideally I would start on Tuesday so this is cutting it close. And I was so ready to go shopping!
But whoever said no one will come get you from home was wrong! I did NOT apply for this second job was INVITED to come interview! Maybe early next week I'll have 4 jobs to choose from!
Have a great day!
Later.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Well that was the last time!
So today at HAMK, my hopefully very soon to be future employer had a discussion forum and presentations regarding the master plan for the area and environmental protection in Finland in general. The local MP wannabe's were there to participate in the discussions and to inform the public of their agenda for the next 4 years. It was very interesting and educating. Environment, energy and logistics were the 3 main areas of discussion. The logistics would be what I'll be working on if I get this job. And my hopefully soon-to-be-boss was the organizer and the decision should come tomorrow or later this week so I also thought it would be a good way to be seen and seem interested, plus I really wanted to see what it was all about. And I got some insight into whom to vote and whom not. But mostly I just wanted to familiarize myself with the project and be seen.
I went to the exhibition area and before the discussion started I went to sit down. My cousins' son walks by and as I haven't seen him for a long time, the last time I guess was at my dad's funeral, I said hello. He sat down next to me and proceeded to tell me how he just educated a chinese student about the ways of Finland. At that point I was done. Then he proceeded to tell me that he's now studying theater at Teatterikorkeakoulu, expecting me to start brace him or something. When my response was oh yeah, he proceeded to tell me all about what he's done, where he's going, how Nokia is gonna tank, how Finland is gonna tank blah blah blah. And all the while I'm having this expression on my face of "I don't care". That did NOT stop him or his monologue. Then it's time to move to the auditorium and he comes with me, sits 2 chairs away from me and throughout the whole discussion he acts like a ADHD person. He comments on what the panelists are saying, sometimes by talking to himself, sometimes by yelling little louder, and sometimes so that everybody turns to look at him. He takes notes and then when the page is full he rips the sheet away very theatrically and loudly. He speaks to the guy sitting next to him, he makes comments without actually listening to what was said and his feet were moving constantly. In the mean time I'm trying to focus. OH YOUR GOD! I wanted to strangle him! And the the final straw...when there's like a minute left of the time allocated to public questions he makes a question without it actually being a question and then when the non question is answered he is not satisfied! And he made the whole thing about himself! When he started his rant I just slumped down and pretended I wasn't there.
I just don't understand people who are so self centered that they don't even realize that they are making asses of themselves! And it's my fault for saying hello...I should have thought before I acted and remembered that I blocked his statuses on FB about a day after I added him as a friend and every news article he has ever recommended have NOT been of any interest to me. No good deed comes unpunished!
I just needed to get that off my chest. I feel little better now. Hopefully I'll feel really good tomorrow. Should get a phone call to hear about my test!
Later!
update! oh oh oh...it's not even teatterikorkea where he studies, it's something much more lower level! I guess I could call myself the president of Finland or Mayor of Forssa...I mean the president IS a woman so I have that covered and I do live in Forssa so I have that covered too... just start to make shit up! Inflate my stories...and accomplishments!
I went to the exhibition area and before the discussion started I went to sit down. My cousins' son walks by and as I haven't seen him for a long time, the last time I guess was at my dad's funeral, I said hello. He sat down next to me and proceeded to tell me how he just educated a chinese student about the ways of Finland. At that point I was done. Then he proceeded to tell me that he's now studying theater at Teatterikorkeakoulu, expecting me to start brace him or something. When my response was oh yeah, he proceeded to tell me all about what he's done, where he's going, how Nokia is gonna tank, how Finland is gonna tank blah blah blah. And all the while I'm having this expression on my face of "I don't care". That did NOT stop him or his monologue. Then it's time to move to the auditorium and he comes with me, sits 2 chairs away from me and throughout the whole discussion he acts like a ADHD person. He comments on what the panelists are saying, sometimes by talking to himself, sometimes by yelling little louder, and sometimes so that everybody turns to look at him. He takes notes and then when the page is full he rips the sheet away very theatrically and loudly. He speaks to the guy sitting next to him, he makes comments without actually listening to what was said and his feet were moving constantly. In the mean time I'm trying to focus. OH YOUR GOD! I wanted to strangle him! And the the final straw...when there's like a minute left of the time allocated to public questions he makes a question without it actually being a question and then when the non question is answered he is not satisfied! And he made the whole thing about himself! When he started his rant I just slumped down and pretended I wasn't there.
I just don't understand people who are so self centered that they don't even realize that they are making asses of themselves! And it's my fault for saying hello...I should have thought before I acted and remembered that I blocked his statuses on FB about a day after I added him as a friend and every news article he has ever recommended have NOT been of any interest to me. No good deed comes unpunished!
I just needed to get that off my chest. I feel little better now. Hopefully I'll feel really good tomorrow. Should get a phone call to hear about my test!
Later!
update! oh oh oh...it's not even teatterikorkea where he studies, it's something much more lower level! I guess I could call myself the president of Finland or Mayor of Forssa...I mean the president IS a woman so I have that covered and I do live in Forssa so I have that covered too... just start to make shit up! Inflate my stories...and accomplishments!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Oh your god!
Celebrities are so funny. I just "opened up" Iltalehti online and there was Esko Eerikäinen saying how he sees light at the end of the tunnel after a week of breaking up with Martina Aitolehti. Now I don't normally follow these people nor do I care what's going on with them but after thinking about my own break up and the things that you go through afterwards these things sometimes catch my eye. So they broke up about a week ago, maybe 2, and he's already "seeing light at the end of the tunnel". It seems to me that the celebrity relationships are accelerated in every aspect. They meet, they fall in love, they get engaged, married and have kids sooner than the normal people and because they didn't really know each other when all this happened, they get divorced/ break up sooner and faster too. The every day life isn't all glamour and when the cameras stop rolling they realize they have nothing in common. I was a sobbing mess after a week from our break up and wasn't really better after 2. I am very slowly trying to grasp the idea that Tiffany will no longer be a part of my life and getting my head around that is just taking a long time. I have good days and I have bad days still and I can't really give a time table as to when it'll stop hurting. But good for Esko for feeling better and blogging about it on a national tabloid!
I've been wondering about something. Ever since I told people about the Seta thing, everybody has said to me I'd be really good at doing it and that I'm the right person for it. I took my time thinking about it before I signed up because the article or announcement said something about outgoing personality and as far as I can see I am not outgoing. But I felt compelled to do it because I feel like I have a chance to help someone by telling my story and maybe showing that it's ok. And like I said before, I could have benefited from someone coming to our school and talking about this when I was a teenager. I am just scared shitless to speak in front of people. But I need to get outside my comfort zone and do things that are not necessarily easy but are worthwhile. But it got me wondering...am I not seeing myself or are others seeing something that I'm not? What is it that makes me "perfect" for this? Or is it just people saying that to cheer me on in something that I feel I need to do?
HAMK has a discussion group/exhibition/presentations tomorrow regarding the logistics plan for the Forssa region that I applied to work for. I am supposed to hear from them on Wednesday or Thursday whether I was chosen or not but I thought it would make a good impression if I showed up and familiarized myself with the project. I have a dentist appointment in the morning, again, and then in the afternoon I will be heading there. It's funny, every time I'm going there I have a dentist appointment first. If I do get the job I have another dentist appointment next Monday and then I'd start on Tuesday... I will keep you posted. Keep your fingers crossed!
Later!
I've been wondering about something. Ever since I told people about the Seta thing, everybody has said to me I'd be really good at doing it and that I'm the right person for it. I took my time thinking about it before I signed up because the article or announcement said something about outgoing personality and as far as I can see I am not outgoing. But I felt compelled to do it because I feel like I have a chance to help someone by telling my story and maybe showing that it's ok. And like I said before, I could have benefited from someone coming to our school and talking about this when I was a teenager. I am just scared shitless to speak in front of people. But I need to get outside my comfort zone and do things that are not necessarily easy but are worthwhile. But it got me wondering...am I not seeing myself or are others seeing something that I'm not? What is it that makes me "perfect" for this? Or is it just people saying that to cheer me on in something that I feel I need to do?
HAMK has a discussion group/exhibition/presentations tomorrow regarding the logistics plan for the Forssa region that I applied to work for. I am supposed to hear from them on Wednesday or Thursday whether I was chosen or not but I thought it would make a good impression if I showed up and familiarized myself with the project. I have a dentist appointment in the morning, again, and then in the afternoon I will be heading there. It's funny, every time I'm going there I have a dentist appointment first. If I do get the job I have another dentist appointment next Monday and then I'd start on Tuesday... I will keep you posted. Keep your fingers crossed!
Later!
Friday, January 21, 2011
3 months and still going strong
I really hope I'm not yapping for nothing BUT... I think I'm on my way to something great! This whole recruiting process is nerve wracking but exciting at the same time and I feel really confident. Thinking about the interview on Wednesday I feel like it couldn't have gone better and everything that I've done up to this point in my life has prepared me for this. I have the 2 environmental degrees and I have a LOT of experience with international students both from Tampere and from Montclair and obviously I have been one myself. I have my english language skills working for me as well. And in a weird way being in Forssa makes me a little bit more confident as well. Don't really know why but it does.
The fact that they said that I came second in the other job hunt and the Manager of that place being part of this one as well gives me even more confidence. I got a long great with both of the interviewers and I feel like I was able to bring out "me" if that makes any sense. I have been feeling really good about the interview but there is one more step. The self assessment test, which was sent to me this morning which means I'm in the top 3. Which makes me even more confident, it re-inforces my feeling that the interview was a success. But now the test...uh huh...It did say there are no right or wrong answers and to just pick the first one that comes from your instincts... I believe there was 20 questions and each had 4 options and you were supposed to pick the word that most describes you and the word that least describes you and based on my answers they can tell if I can fit in with the work community or not. Can you imagine if I did really well on the interview only for the test to say that I can't work with them? OYG!
I felt so good about the interview that I bet with Elviira and Marianne that I will get it. If I do, I owe them beers...which I would buy them anyway since that would mean that I have money on my account! If I don't get this, it just means that my situation isn't really improving. And it continues to be their jobs to keep me hydrated! LOL! just kidding...
It would be really great if I could get this job because I have 13 euros on my account right now and 190 euros worth of unpaid bills! Social services denied my request so I am kinda screwed. Good times. According to them paying your loan interests, credit card, dental care, cell phone and internet bills are NOT necessary and therefore are not counted towards my expenses. I have been able to avoid marks on my credit information so far but it's not looking that bright right now. And we don't even talk about food because there's just no money for it. Gotta go copy my bills so that I can complain about the decision.
Happy happy joy joy to all!
Later
The fact that they said that I came second in the other job hunt and the Manager of that place being part of this one as well gives me even more confidence. I got a long great with both of the interviewers and I feel like I was able to bring out "me" if that makes any sense. I have been feeling really good about the interview but there is one more step. The self assessment test, which was sent to me this morning which means I'm in the top 3. Which makes me even more confident, it re-inforces my feeling that the interview was a success. But now the test...uh huh...It did say there are no right or wrong answers and to just pick the first one that comes from your instincts... I believe there was 20 questions and each had 4 options and you were supposed to pick the word that most describes you and the word that least describes you and based on my answers they can tell if I can fit in with the work community or not. Can you imagine if I did really well on the interview only for the test to say that I can't work with them? OYG!
I felt so good about the interview that I bet with Elviira and Marianne that I will get it. If I do, I owe them beers...which I would buy them anyway since that would mean that I have money on my account! If I don't get this, it just means that my situation isn't really improving. And it continues to be their jobs to keep me hydrated! LOL! just kidding...
It would be really great if I could get this job because I have 13 euros on my account right now and 190 euros worth of unpaid bills! Social services denied my request so I am kinda screwed. Good times. According to them paying your loan interests, credit card, dental care, cell phone and internet bills are NOT necessary and therefore are not counted towards my expenses. I have been able to avoid marks on my credit information so far but it's not looking that bright right now. And we don't even talk about food because there's just no money for it. Gotta go copy my bills so that I can complain about the decision.
Happy happy joy joy to all!
Later
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
What a day!
Every day should be this exciting but with a job!
First off, I need to continue a little bit with my post from yesterday. Now I'm left wondering if someone erased their skype account all together or if they just blocked me? Where there used to be information, it no longer shows...
But now for today! as I'm sure everyone can relate to, getting a municipal dentist appointment is hard. I called to make my first appointment in October I think and got it for November. They found out that I have at least 6 cavities and sent me to dental hygienist as well. That appointment was supposed to be in November as well but got cancelled last minute so that was rescheduled for few weeks ago. I was also given 3 1h long sessions, first of which was today. I'm a trooper (pat in the back) because 4 cavities later I was ready for my job interview! They did 3 first and then we had 25 min left so they asked me if I wanted one more done. I was like go for it. Might as well get as much done as possible. And I didn't take anything for it, no shots to numb the area because that would have been a great interview with half my face numbed! But I never take anything (except for root canal) so it's nothing new! Shots are for wusses!
I don;t know if I should feel happy or sad right now. Or something in between. My interview went really well and I got along great with both of the interviewers. They also would be my bosses. They asked me about my job experience in Forssa and I mentioned I applied for the cluster manager position at the development center....to which one of them said that she knows because the director there is part of the projects they have going and told her that I came SECOND in the hunt for that job!!! GGGRRRRRRR! Second! I didn't know that! I thought they were just yapping when they said I did good... But I feel really good about this job, it would be really interesting and I hope I'll get e-mail soon. They said they were interviewing 6 people, so my competion overall is coming down, and that they would send a self assessment form to maybe 3 people next week and by next Friday the 28th someone should be hired. That would be good since the job's supposed to start in February 1st.
So, keep your fingers crossed and I'll let you know what's happening as soon as I know!
Later!
p.s. this would be great too because Elviira and Mikko work in the same building! ;-)
First off, I need to continue a little bit with my post from yesterday. Now I'm left wondering if someone erased their skype account all together or if they just blocked me? Where there used to be information, it no longer shows...
But now for today! as I'm sure everyone can relate to, getting a municipal dentist appointment is hard. I called to make my first appointment in October I think and got it for November. They found out that I have at least 6 cavities and sent me to dental hygienist as well. That appointment was supposed to be in November as well but got cancelled last minute so that was rescheduled for few weeks ago. I was also given 3 1h long sessions, first of which was today. I'm a trooper (pat in the back) because 4 cavities later I was ready for my job interview! They did 3 first and then we had 25 min left so they asked me if I wanted one more done. I was like go for it. Might as well get as much done as possible. And I didn't take anything for it, no shots to numb the area because that would have been a great interview with half my face numbed! But I never take anything (except for root canal) so it's nothing new! Shots are for wusses!
I don;t know if I should feel happy or sad right now. Or something in between. My interview went really well and I got along great with both of the interviewers. They also would be my bosses. They asked me about my job experience in Forssa and I mentioned I applied for the cluster manager position at the development center....to which one of them said that she knows because the director there is part of the projects they have going and told her that I came SECOND in the hunt for that job!!! GGGRRRRRRR! Second! I didn't know that! I thought they were just yapping when they said I did good... But I feel really good about this job, it would be really interesting and I hope I'll get e-mail soon. They said they were interviewing 6 people, so my competion overall is coming down, and that they would send a self assessment form to maybe 3 people next week and by next Friday the 28th someone should be hired. That would be good since the job's supposed to start in February 1st.
So, keep your fingers crossed and I'll let you know what's happening as soon as I know!
Later!
p.s. this would be great too because Elviira and Mikko work in the same building! ;-)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Winter cleaning
I have been thoroughly enjoying the snowy and frosty winter we've had in Finland. I like to have 4 seasons as long as the winters are actually full of snow and it's been everything I could want this winter. Now it's kinda getting slushy and slippery with the warmer temperatures but in general it's been great. New York/ New Jersey had weird winters, when it snowed it SNOWED and then the next day it was 30 degrees warmer and it all melted away. And when it was cold there usually was no snow. Even though it gets dark here early, I love the glowy sky with snow on the ground.
It's been an interesting week and it's about to get more interesting tomorrow. My moms store opened on Saturday and it was a very successful day. That night I spent some time at Elviira and Mikko's watching pretty good finnish show and Munamies definitely is my new favorite. That song was amazing! And I don't really watch finnish shows. I also beat Mikko twice on NHL 2000 which was super funny looking at their large HD TV when the game clearly was NOT HD! The puck was almost square and you could see the pixels! Then Mikko beat me on NBA 2k9 like he always does. Was good times.
Tomorrow I have my first of three dentist appointments in the morning and then in the afternoon an interview. I could potentially have 3 jobs soon! Wouldn't that be something? I'll keep you posted on the job front.
I did some facebook cleaning this weekend too. It's something I've thought about a lot lately and just came to realize that it's better to let go than to hold on to something or some one that clearly does not want anything to do with me. I deleted one of Tiffany's friends that I never met or knew so that was no brainer and then I deleted her cousin and sister-in-law. Neither talks to me and it was clear I was making them uncomfortable so I made everyone a favor and stepped out of their lives in FB as well. I will never have a relationship with Adriana and I never did so it's not like I miss out if I don;t see her pictures growing up. Carly is tougher. I thought about deleting Amanda too but even though I know I am no longer part of Carly's life it's harder to let go.She's an amazing little girl and I miss her every day but I know I will need to let go of her too soon. It just takes a little more time. And I know I can probably see a random picture of her on Tiffany's FB page or even at Barrie's but it's the last thing I'm stubbornly holding on to. For just a little longer. It could be that out of solidarity Amanda deletes me at some point if they even realize I'm no longer there but that's something I'll need to deal with if and when that happens. I think to me the last straw was the no x-mas cards or not even acknowledging that I sent Adriana and Carly cards for x-mas so I'm done hitting my head to the wall. I get headaches enough as it is.
So as per my previous 2 posts, I signed up for advocate training. It'll be in March in Tampere and I will stay at Saara's place for the night so I get a training AND get some cat therapy! Pretty sweet deal if you ask me.
Now I am going to watch some TV and then hit the sheets. Big day tomorrow!
Later
It's been an interesting week and it's about to get more interesting tomorrow. My moms store opened on Saturday and it was a very successful day. That night I spent some time at Elviira and Mikko's watching pretty good finnish show and Munamies definitely is my new favorite. That song was amazing! And I don't really watch finnish shows. I also beat Mikko twice on NHL 2000 which was super funny looking at their large HD TV when the game clearly was NOT HD! The puck was almost square and you could see the pixels! Then Mikko beat me on NBA 2k9 like he always does. Was good times.
Tomorrow I have my first of three dentist appointments in the morning and then in the afternoon an interview. I could potentially have 3 jobs soon! Wouldn't that be something? I'll keep you posted on the job front.
I did some facebook cleaning this weekend too. It's something I've thought about a lot lately and just came to realize that it's better to let go than to hold on to something or some one that clearly does not want anything to do with me. I deleted one of Tiffany's friends that I never met or knew so that was no brainer and then I deleted her cousin and sister-in-law. Neither talks to me and it was clear I was making them uncomfortable so I made everyone a favor and stepped out of their lives in FB as well. I will never have a relationship with Adriana and I never did so it's not like I miss out if I don;t see her pictures growing up. Carly is tougher. I thought about deleting Amanda too but even though I know I am no longer part of Carly's life it's harder to let go.She's an amazing little girl and I miss her every day but I know I will need to let go of her too soon. It just takes a little more time. And I know I can probably see a random picture of her on Tiffany's FB page or even at Barrie's but it's the last thing I'm stubbornly holding on to. For just a little longer. It could be that out of solidarity Amanda deletes me at some point if they even realize I'm no longer there but that's something I'll need to deal with if and when that happens. I think to me the last straw was the no x-mas cards or not even acknowledging that I sent Adriana and Carly cards for x-mas so I'm done hitting my head to the wall. I get headaches enough as it is.
So as per my previous 2 posts, I signed up for advocate training. It'll be in March in Tampere and I will stay at Saara's place for the night so I get a training AND get some cat therapy! Pretty sweet deal if you ask me.
Now I am going to watch some TV and then hit the sheets. Big day tomorrow!
Later
NOW it's done!
I signed up! And got a confirmation that it's done, so... in March I'll spend a weekend in Tampere learning the ropes! Wish me good luck! I am going to need it!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
It's done!
I did it, I signed up for Seta's advocate training...or I think I did anyway. First e-mail didn't go through so I'm waiting to see if the second one will. And as I'm writing this I got another message failed notification so I guess I'll call tomorrow. But it's done. It's decided. I'm doing it!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
It must be harder to be a single lesbian than a hetero lesbian!
That funny and insightful nugget of an information came out of my friend Marita's mouth 2 nights ago while we were taking her dog out. And the laughter just followed me all the way home!
It's been an interesting start for the year. Last week I helped my mom pack ALL her stuff and saw more fabric than necessary for a lifetime. I helped her move her stuff to the new location where her store is opening this Saturday. After her move was done we moved Ybi's stuff from his work space back home. 4 moves in 2 months...little too much!
Last Saturday I saw a childhood friend I haven't seen in over 15 years. We used to be best friends and then life interrupted. We lost contact but last summer she sent me a friend request on FB. She was visiting her family from London and wanted to go out for drinks. I gotta admit, I wasn't sure if it would work out and was thinking about canceling the whole thing few hours before she was due to arrive but didn't and I'm glad I didn't. We had a blast even if Forssa isn't exactly the party mecca of the universe! We went from one pub to another and back and then got tickets to go to bar 54...age limit 18 so we were 12 years older than most people there. Didn't know anybody and didn't stay long. But let's just say that it was a fun night and I got a reminder that'll last me for awhile why I don;t drink much and/or often! I was in bed the whole Sunday, had a terrible headache the whole day and couldn't eat anything till 6pm! When I did get my appetite back I could have eaten a cow though! Anne left around noon and I went right back to bed. We promised to stay in touch and hopefully once I have some money I can go visit her in London! It's been...7 years I guess since the last time I was in London so I'm due! Maybe I'll go see William and Kate getting married!
In other news, I got a job teaching little kids the wonderful secrets of english language! I'll start as soon as all my paperwork is done and can provide a criminal background check! As far as I know that shouldn't be a problem so soon I'll be seeing more kids than the law allows! I'm also thinking about signing up to become a gay advocate and as such I'd go to schools to talk about being gay and maybe help some poor teenagers to realize that it's not such as bad thing to be gay. I know I could have benefited from seeing a real life lesbian/lesbian couple when I was a teenager to realize that they can lead a normal fulfilling life as well and that it's ok. I am seriously afraid of speaking in public and in front of big crowds but at the same time I feel like I should do something. Plus the training is free and would get me in touch with my community, both in Finland and in Forssa...if there is a community to be found in Forssa.
I was also thinking about going back to school. Crazy, I know. But there's a supply chain bachelors program in Forssa which could be great addition for my previous educations... I'm just not sure I can pass the entrance exam math, chem and physics tests! I think I could do it in maybe a year and a half if all my engineering studies would be credited for me but it's also a full time program which would mean that I couldn't work. And now I NEED to work. So it's out.
My head is still trying to understand what happened last year but slowly I am trying to make plans for myself. Adjusting to the change is very difficult but I'll get there.
That's it for now...Later!
It's been an interesting start for the year. Last week I helped my mom pack ALL her stuff and saw more fabric than necessary for a lifetime. I helped her move her stuff to the new location where her store is opening this Saturday. After her move was done we moved Ybi's stuff from his work space back home. 4 moves in 2 months...little too much!
Last Saturday I saw a childhood friend I haven't seen in over 15 years. We used to be best friends and then life interrupted. We lost contact but last summer she sent me a friend request on FB. She was visiting her family from London and wanted to go out for drinks. I gotta admit, I wasn't sure if it would work out and was thinking about canceling the whole thing few hours before she was due to arrive but didn't and I'm glad I didn't. We had a blast even if Forssa isn't exactly the party mecca of the universe! We went from one pub to another and back and then got tickets to go to bar 54...age limit 18 so we were 12 years older than most people there. Didn't know anybody and didn't stay long. But let's just say that it was a fun night and I got a reminder that'll last me for awhile why I don;t drink much and/or often! I was in bed the whole Sunday, had a terrible headache the whole day and couldn't eat anything till 6pm! When I did get my appetite back I could have eaten a cow though! Anne left around noon and I went right back to bed. We promised to stay in touch and hopefully once I have some money I can go visit her in London! It's been...7 years I guess since the last time I was in London so I'm due! Maybe I'll go see William and Kate getting married!
In other news, I got a job teaching little kids the wonderful secrets of english language! I'll start as soon as all my paperwork is done and can provide a criminal background check! As far as I know that shouldn't be a problem so soon I'll be seeing more kids than the law allows! I'm also thinking about signing up to become a gay advocate and as such I'd go to schools to talk about being gay and maybe help some poor teenagers to realize that it's not such as bad thing to be gay. I know I could have benefited from seeing a real life lesbian/lesbian couple when I was a teenager to realize that they can lead a normal fulfilling life as well and that it's ok. I am seriously afraid of speaking in public and in front of big crowds but at the same time I feel like I should do something. Plus the training is free and would get me in touch with my community, both in Finland and in Forssa...if there is a community to be found in Forssa.
I was also thinking about going back to school. Crazy, I know. But there's a supply chain bachelors program in Forssa which could be great addition for my previous educations... I'm just not sure I can pass the entrance exam math, chem and physics tests! I think I could do it in maybe a year and a half if all my engineering studies would be credited for me but it's also a full time program which would mean that I couldn't work. And now I NEED to work. So it's out.
My head is still trying to understand what happened last year but slowly I am trying to make plans for myself. Adjusting to the change is very difficult but I'll get there.
That's it for now...Later!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Maintaining my membership card to the lesbian club
So I've been looking for a drawer for my bedroom to keep all my cosmetics, nick nacks etc in and found one from Jysk. My mom bought if for me for all the help I gave her with packing, moving etc this past week. I really should start my own moving business since I've been a part of 4 moves these past 2 months. First Elviira and Mikko's, then my own, then my mom's store to a new location and Ybi's stuff back home. Let's just say that my back is happy it's over for now. But anyway... the drawer was one of those DIY types so one day last week on top of the many MANY hours I packed my moms fabrics and stuff after coming home I started to put that monstrosity together. It's pretty now that it's all put together but lemme tell ya, I wasn't happy when I was doing it! Took me 2 nights and some swear words, few hammer hits to my thumbs and lots of banging but I did it! Guess how many screws and nails went into it??? I had few left overs too because I didn't think they all needed to go in...where it's absolutely necessary, they're in and where not, I left them out. It's sturdy and everything so it's not like it's gonna fall over...just some drawers have 5 instead of 6. But I believe this constitutes as a passing mark for my lesbian DIY test!
This is where I started. Everything is all nice and neat in the box.
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