SETA training

It's still month and a half away and I haven't received my training material but as part of figuring out my story and journey, I wanted to go back to where it all started for me. The L Word. I wanted to remember the feeling of realizing that this was who I am and all the feelings and fears and doubts that come with it. It's obviously very much tangled with Tiffany as well so in a way I am trying to figure out myself and let go of Tiffany all at the same time. Trying to separate those 2 is very difficult as you can imagine but even though I met her through the show we didn't actually meet F2F until about a year after so I did have to figure out my identity by myself.

I have the whole 6 seasons and I have been watching them for the past maybe 3 weeks. I did not watch the first season yet, and I'm not exactly sure why. I guess it still might remind me of my situation and break up and maybe I wanted to escape that. But in order for me to remember all those feelings from 6 years ago, I DO need to watch the first season. And watch Jenny's journey.

As far as I'm concerned the show went downhill for seasons 2-4, since I was a Bette and Tina fan and they had all this shit happening to them from break up to other partners and with Tina, a man. But in season 5 they get back together and in season 6 they are actually happy together. So there's a happy ending. People can get broken up and still find their way back together. That's obviously not gonna be my story but it's good to have hope. It happens.

It's funny how when I check who have read my blog and where they come from and how they found me, my post "who killed Jenny F*****g Schecter" is still the one that brings random people in. I haven't read that post since I wrote it but I remember feeling so unbelievably frustrated at the time and after finishing season 6 I think I would write the exact same thing now as I did then. I'm not creative enough to understand why it had to end the way it did but I am still frustrated. But I also noticed that I am not as obsessed with the show as I was back then. I also know now who I am which I was just about to figure out back then so it doesn't affect me the same way anymore.

I also find it interesting and I would really like someone to psycho analyze me for this, WHY are both of my favorite lesbian TV characters, Tina on the L Word and Callie in Grey's anatomy sleeping with men? WHY? I don't identify with them so it's not that and I don't think I could be with a bisexual, so what is it? I know I'm over analyzing things and I have done that after I received my test results. Some of things I do and like can be explained now (I think), but I'm turning them into negative when they are just who I am. I also learned a lot about myself and have thought about who I am more. But it's weird seeing it on paper. But anyway...

Fun night coming up with Elviira and Mikko and munamies! Have yourselves a great weekend!
Later