Better in time

2 weeks ago I was walking home from Elviira and Mikko's. It was around midnight, there was no one on the streets, it was just below freezing and a beautiful winter night. I was listening to my iPod shuffle that my step cats gave me for Valentine's day last year (great timing as it's almost Valentine's day again) and this song came on. I didn't know who sang it but it at that moment it was like it was written about me. I obviously have it somewhere on my iTunes but I for the life of me couldn't remember who sang it. When I got home I spent 2 hours going through my iTunes and going through my playlists trying to figure out which song it was until finally I found it. Just listen.

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming
Thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All that I know is I'mma be ok


Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I'll believe in
And I know time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'mma be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to (yes I do)
It'll all get better in time



Ever since the break up I've known there's nothing I can or could do to change it. It's done, it's over and I will need to accept it. I didn't have a choice. I DON'T have a choice. You cannot make anyone to wanna be with you and I knew it was final the minute she said it. So all I can do is to live with it. Deal, accept and move on. She's doing her "I'm totally fine and happy and it's all sunshine and happiness and unicorns in my world"-routine, which is fine if it works for her. That shit doesn't fly with me. I'm more of a up and down, wallow-in-my-misery-until-I'm-not, drink if I feel like it, hate her guts type of a person and for the most parts it works for me. And I thought I was doing pretty ok until few days ago when she e-mailed me. And then it all came back. But this song is going to be my anthem and maybe I'll try the positive attitude until I'm truly over it. It hurts but Imma be ok. Which is a shame. Because that means she won't be a part of my life anymore.