Why is it that every good news is followed by bad news and every good happening is followed by a bad one? Lately it seems like every good thing that has happened will be followed by something bad. Or sometimes the bad is followed by good too. And for the life of me I can't spell "followed" right today so if there's an O missing, you know why.
Last week we would have had our 5 year anniversary, which obviously was not a great day for me. The next day though, was a pay day which all in all does not cancel out the bad of the day before but in my situation made a pretty big difference. bad-> good. Then this week there was Carly's birthday, which is a good day followed by news that a friend of mine has ovarian cancer. It's like a major roller coaster ride that never ends.
Next week I'll be flying over to NJ and getting my stuff. Finally. Have you ever spent 650 euros on a trip and not been excited or happy about it? Well, I have now. I used to be so excited to fly over because it meant some awesome things were happening. This time is for a good bye. Nothing exciting about that. Nothing to start a countdown over for. Every other time I've flown over EVERYBODY has known about it. But as I'm writing this I'm sitting in my verandah in a 20+C degree weather wearing shorts and a t-shirt so it's not all bad. I'm working on my non existing tan as I'm whiter than a ghost but maybe I'll get there some day. I would start blonding my hair in the sun too except I need a hat on to see the screen.
Since I don't have my own "community" or a person anymore I have gone back to the online community. You can find people that share the same interests as you, find news about things that interest you and share idea with like-minded people. TV has also been a great distraction from my life. I read an article on AfterEllen titled "Are we too tough on gay teens on TV" which talked about how people go crazy on their favorite characters if they don't like the way the storyline is going or the choices the character is making. Being gay and finding a TV character who represents "you" is not easy so when there is a character on TV that kinda looks like you or "is" you, seeing that character do something that you can't relate to or would never do yourself in real life makes you more mad than your straight counterpart just because you can't just change a channel and move on to the next show and next character since there are not that many on TV. I can't emphasize the importance of having people like you around you and when you don't have that, you relate to the fictional people on TV. Straight people can look at their parents, family and friends all around them and simulate the best qualities of those relationships. They have the role models around them but what if you're gay and have no gay people around you?
I am not saying that I need role models in my life. At 30 I think I know who I am and the kind of person I want to be but it's tough when I have no gay friends. My rants about gay rights resonate to a certain degree with my friends but even if they are all for me getting married, this issue doesn't touch them as much as it does me. They CAN get married...they ARE married... and some take that right for granted.
So to go back to what I was saying here...online community. I've been on Grey's anatomy message board because I'm obsessed with the show. When I got dumped my favorite lesbian couple broke up and I really just needed the assurance that there are happy endings, so I had to google spoilers for the show. And when you get spoiled there's no turning back. So I went to the one place where people understood my frustration. Now I find it very interesting and curious when straight people post more about a lesbian characters than I do. My involvement on the MB is nowhere near as intense at it was when I got hooked on The L Word but I post pretty much daily. I remember when I got on the boards 6 years ago I presented myself as straight even though I realized I wasn't. And there was a guy in the picture back then. But it took me awhile to openly admit it to myself and to the people I was talking to. And that was a safe place if any. So now when I see these married straight women posting about their love for Callie and Arizona and how they want to see more intimate scenes, more loving, more...it makes me wonder are they really being honest with themselves. It could be that they are just who they say they are since this by no means is a gay show like TLW was but sometimes when they wanna see more hot scenes I can't but to remember the times 6 years ago and the awakening I felt... And they post mainly on the Callie and Arizona thread. Are self-confessed Calzona lovers. Watch the show because of them. But maybe that's just me...maybe I just wanna see rainbows all around me! Everybody should be as gay as me...or should they?
Since I've heard so much about "Pretty little liars" from the people on the MB and how the "love scenes", intimacy and the story lines for Emily, the shows gay character are so much better than on Grey's, I had to download the season and watch what all the fuzz was about. And I got to say, having a lesbian writer on the show really does make a huge difference. The journey for Emily is very believable and you can basically relate to every step she's taking. And the chemistry between her and her love interests so far has been amazing. But what's really interesting for me is how they have had guys in the middle when characters have come out. Like I said before, there was a guy in the picture when I came out or admitted to myself who I was and it's like the last push to try to force yourself to be straight. There might not be anyone for ages and then when you're supposed to come to grips with who you are, universe throws a curve ball. Emily had feelings for Maya but instead of dealing with them she went to a dance with a boy. She finally came around and came out but I thought it was interesting. And totally something I could relate to. Then later in the season, Emily's new love interest Paige knows she's gay but is afraid to come out. A boy asks her out and she goes even though she likes Emily. The date ends with a kiss and Paige comes to Emily and confesses that she felt phony. That kiss finally made her face that fact that yes, she's gay. Even though she didn't come out. We'll see how that goes.
Why am I talking about Pretty little liars you ask? Because it's on ABC family, which is youth oriented channel and the show is about high school kids. But I can relate to that journey Emily is on. And being one of the few openly gays in town. It also doesn't hurt at all that the girl playing Emily, Shay Mitchell is probably one of the most gorgeous women you'll ever see!
Another show that's demanding more of my attention is Glee. I love the show as it is without the coming up lesbian storyline(s) but it does not hurt at all to have lesbian/bi characters on the show. And this show has the guy factor thrown in there for road bumps as well. Santana, who is coming out soon and who just few episodes ago confessed her love to her best friend Brittany has been dating boys left and right and Brittany is dating a boy. That hasn't stopped them from hooking up though. As they say "it's not cheating when the plumbing is different."
I think I've blogged enough for today. Back to work tomorrow for another 6 days before my long awaited trip. Now I gotta take my white legs outside for a walk and maybe go check out if the ice cream stand is open for business.
Later peeps.
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