And I'm pretty sure it's brought on by the divorce. And my life not going the way I planned it. I'm sure you've all heard me talk about my former class mates being married, having 700 kids, 3 cars, mortgage, 7 dogs and 5 cats by now...having jobs and lives. It's hard connecting when you seem to have nothing but the past in common. I thought I was heading that direction but universe decided otherwise. And even with all the uncertainty regarding my legal status in the USA, I still thought somehow we'd end up settling down, having kids and family and all the things that come with that. And now I feel kind of lost. Where do I begin? Where am I going? What am I doing?
Marriage has been in the news a lot lately, both in USa and here in Finland. We have parliamental election coming up in 16 days and the topic of gay or gender neutral marriage has been discussed a lot. Both the KD's and persu's are against it. There's been a youth oriented campaign to convert gay and bi teens. And they base their values and opinions on a book from 2000 years ago.
In USA the discussion has been on the possible repeal of DOMA and how that might affect both the american gay couples and the binational couples. For a day the immigration services put the green card applications on hold instead of turning them down, but that changed quickly. Marriage, that sacred union between a man and a woman is under attack by the sinful gay community. That sacred institution that ends up in a divorce 50% of the time. It's so sacred that there is a whole industry built around in in Vegas. But it's a heterosexual privilege and cannot be shared.
Why is it that a church wedding is considered the only real form of wedding by so many? People in Finland still baptize their kids and send them to confirmation so that they can have a church wedding even if they never go to church or pray or do anything else religious. And I will bet my salary that most of them do it JUST for the church wedding. If the wedding ceremony privilege was taken away from the church, I bet the number of kids baptized would drop considerably. In a recent episode of Grey's anatomy the main couple was asked when they are getting married. Few seasons ago they were about to do the whole massive church wedding route but the plans changed and instead they wrote their wows on a post-it and that was it. It's not legal but it fit them perfectly. Now why do people feel the need to unload their believes and expectations on other people? WHY is a church wedding the only real one? Why are you supposed to walk down the church isle and get blessed by the priest and church? Marriage with all the responsibilities also comes with privileges afforded to the couple by the law. It's about the legality, being recognized by the authorities and the society as a couple. And ultimately, marriage is about the love between those 2 people willing to make a commitment to each other for the rest of their lives. Those who do not approve gay marriage can stay in their own homophobic heterosexual marriages and stay out of other people's. It's as simple as that. Mine will not affect yours. Yours will not affect mine. Every marriage is different and is defined by the 2 people in it.
Marriage is obviously not in the cards for me anytime soon but it relates to my age crisis. Since coming back to Finland I've connected with some old friends which has been amazing. I put so much of my focus on my relationship that I neglected my own friendships. It was obviously not easy to maintain friendships while across the pond but I am trying to make up for the time now. But what I can't wrap my head around is when did we become old enough to be step parents? And when did we become old enough to go through a divorce?
As a child of a divorced parents I can safely say that me and my mom are both happier for the fact that my parents got divorced. I wouldn't have the best little brother in the world had they stayed together so for that reason alone... My views on being a step parent are complicated. My mom remarried and my step dad has a daughter who was my best friend at the time. She turned out to be a major nightmare so a lot of times it was us against them. My mom and step dad had both had previous relationship before entering this one so my "logical view" is that both parties will have children. But what if that's not the case. What if you fall in love with someone who has kids but you don't? What if your situations and views on what the life in front of you will be or should be? But as a 30 year old recently divorces lesbian I am wondering when did we become old enough to have partners with kids?
Yesterday I heard that a friend of mine is getting a divorce. After 2 years of marriage and plenty more together they are ending it. When did we get old enough to get a divorce? Have failed long term relationship(s)? She may get an official paper as her marriage was legal and all and I might have a little bit of the white paper left on my passport that held my immigration status but it's still equally devastating. When did I turn 30 and become old enough to have these things happening to me and around me? I feel like I was just 25 5 minutes ago, so in love and heading to NYC. When will it end?
I'm a planner, I need to have plans and goals and things to look forward to. This flux isn't my cup of tea.
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