Denial

Last week, 6 days ago to be exact, my girlfriend left me. After 4 and a half years together, she ended it with me. Maybe one day I can write about it without sounding bitter but for now it's better left unwritten.

They say that there are 5 stages of grief. It starts with denial, which I think I am in. This really didn't happen, did it? She will change her mind, won't she? The past year and and a half I've been kicked around so much that I keep thinking that if I win the lottery or get some money somewhere I can fly over and convince her to change her mind. If I get a job and a place to stay, she'll see I can do this, I can provide for her and she'll change her mind. I just need that one break in my life and it will all turn around. We can have that house together we talked about. We can have kids some day like we talked about. We can go on vacations to places she/we've never been before like we talked about. I can show her Europe like we talked about. We can do all those things that we never did but talked about because we didn't have the money to do them before. All I need is that one break and it'll all be ok. Right?

To move on to happier topics... I got a jury duty summons this week! I know I know, nobody wants to be on jury duty! But when you get a jury summons from the state on NJ when you haven't lived there in 13 months, are not a U.S. citizen and last lived in the state of New York, you ARE happy about it! It made my miserable week, I'll tell you that! Now we just wait for the NY summons to come! LOL!

We don't have juries in Finland so all I know about jury duty is what they show on TV, which is not the reality, what I've heard from people and from Tiffany's experience from last summer. Everybody says it's not fun but I would have done it if it meant they pay for my flights, hotel and food! And as a non/citizen and a person who doesn't even have a green card or any kind of visa anymore and is out of the country, my immediate thought was "is this a way for a citizenship/green cars?" You serve in the US military and you get a citizenship. You serve in a jury and you get a citizenship too, right?

The summons also said I'd be a "petit juror". Does that refer to my size or what the hell is that all about? I know I'm small but seriously, no need for name calling! I have a big ego...or used to at least. Is there a height or weight requirement for "petit juror"?

The summons also threatened you with a contempt of court if you failed to return the questionnaire and answer the questions. Do I wanna be in contempt? What would they do if I was? Come get me from Finland and put me in jail? If I was, would I be able to fly to Newark or would there be a mark in my record indicating I should be arrested as soon as I enter NJ? Could I fly to JFK and be ok? Or would they deny my entrance to USA all together? These are all big questions to ponder...

I filled out the questionnaire online...First questions was "are you a living in Essex county?" No. "Are you a U.S. citizen?" Nope. "Are you mentally fit to serve as a juror and fulfill the duties of a juror properly?" I doubt it... After the questionnaire was done, this is what the computer told me

YOUR RESPONSE INDICATES THAT YOU ARE NOT ELIGIBLE TO SERVE AS A JUROR AT THIS TIME. Please be aware that you may be asked by the Jury Management Office for verification regarding your responses. Do not report for juror service on your summons date unless you are contacted further by the Jury Management Office."

I really wanted to be a juror. This could have been my chance... Maybe next time. All though the Jury Management Office might still contact me...

Maybe I'll be in Newark, NJ on December 8.