Pebl

Well my peeps, the time is here... let's all take a moment to mourn my dear and beloved phone Pebl which served me well for at least 5 years. Pebl has been there for me through thick and thin and through moves across the pond twice but it has become clear that it was time for her to retire and go to the old phone's retirement farm. Pebl was ahead of her time as was clear by the way she connected with my Mac through bluetooth which not all phones do. And Pebl was beyond beautiful. Pebl was sleek and small and black. Pebl was a good friend but since I came back to Finland it was clear that Pebl could no longer hold her juice and was becoming unreliable. So today I had to let her go. It's a sad sad day. Pebl was probably one of the most beautiful phones you will ever see and if possible, I would have kept her for 5 more years, at least. But Pebl got tired and I had to replace her, not that she can ever be replaced. So let's all take a moment for Pebl.

Ok, not that that moment has gone, let's talk about my new teeny popper phone! It's a samsung, it's blue and it has sliding qwerty keyboard. And I just sent a bunch of music to it via bluetooth! It's not as pretty as Pebl was but I'm sure with time she and I will bond.

Today was my last day in Hämeenlinna. I have a feeling I will wake up at 7am tomorrow thinking I need to get up and go to work. It was good while it lasted. 1 month working between periods of unemployment creates a lot of paperwork and bureaucracy. But I will get some money out of it so it's all good! And I get to go to USA to finally collect my belongings so that's a major plus.

I need to clarify my post about US immigration from few days ago. That progress was short lived as the immigration services started to process the applications again and rejecting them. And Even though they were accepting applications for green cards it didn't mean they would have granted them. So back to where they were before. Discrimination.

Later peeps!

The sweet/bitter taste of...victory?

I signed up on Twitter few weeks ago and it's been a great way to get information on different things. I follow few friends, actors, musicians, movie stars, TV channels and gay advocate groups both in Europe and in USA. The 2 major ones in USA, HRC and Immigration equality post news almost everyday, whether progress or step backs. Immigration Equality is fighting for bi-national lesbian and gay couples in which one partner is american and the other from somewhere else. Today they posted that US immigration services are now accepting green card applications for the foreign partners of gay americans.

As happy as I am about this, it's great for the thousands of couples out there afraid of that one of them is gonna be deported, it's also a very bitter sweet moment for me. Why couldn't they have had this in place 8 months ago when we needed it? And as I'm thinking about it I realize that I'm not as far removed from all those feelings as I thought I was. I'm happy and I am sad.

Bittersweet.

Decency is NOT dead!

Just so you know, I have NO problem using any of my connections or offers or anything given to me when I need something. So use caution when offering me something if you are not ready or willing to follow through. Because I will ask. And I will take advantage. With that said...

A dear friend, and I am going to go right ahead and call Gareth a friend even though we haven't seen each other for over 6 years, sent me a message today on facebook telling me that if I ever do go to Swansea and need a place to stay, his parents house is a possibility. Now that's what I call human kindness and generosity. And it did absolutely nothing to curb my fever and enthusiasm to go there! WHERE THE HELL IS MY LOTTERY WIN????? But just a fair warning, I will remember this offer and I will take you up on it if the opportunity ever presents itself! I've gone to a Manchester United game by contacting a Finnish goalkeeper who used to play with my au pair family's dad. I sent a message through his team's website with a subject line "To Teuvo Moilanen" and then writing the actual message in Finnish. I told him I was a fan, I work for someone he used to play with and I'd love to either see him play or go see a ManU game. Put my e-mail address in there and he replied. He got me and my au pair dad 2 tickets to a Manchester United game and ManU tickets are very hard to come by, especially at Old Trafford. Had I not done that, I've never would have gone to the game. So there. Finnish connection. Football connection. Tampere connection.

Now in May when I go to get my stuff from USA, I needed a place to stay. When it was still in theoretical stage, I talked to Barrie who is T's sister-in-law's sister-in-law, so extended family member. I worked for them for few months, took care of their kids when their au pair left suddenly, so I have a relationship with them outside of T. But they are still her extended family members. The kids are Carly's cousins. Anyway...Barrie told me if I ever needed a place to stay when I came over, I could always stay with them. And I took advantage when I had nowhere else to go. The family has pretty much written me off and I couldn't go to BK so I'm going to Montclair. And even though it's kinda awkward situation, I never got the impression that she was anything but sincere in her invitation. So just few examples that when I need something and you have offered, I am not afraid to ask for a favor. Keep that in mind!

My friend Marika was in Forssa today with her boyfriend's 10 year old son in a floor ball tournament and invited me to go with her. I took her to Finlayson between the games since there's not many places in Forssa you can take out-of-towners. It was fun watching 10 year-olds play but more fun was to watch the spectator/coach mom's from the opposite team. They took their cheering seriously. I guess they are hoping their kids will someday play in the national team...There was this one mom that was really loud and really into it. We were laughing with Marika and I told her she needs to learn to take it as seriously and start causing riots and fights. I also told her that I can see myself being a spectator coach mom as well. I'll be the one people read about from papers who went ape shit in her kids game. I probably shouldn't have little Kemppi's play ice hockey...that might be dangerous to everyone involved.

Later peeps!

REJECTED!

I will have a skin like a rhino by the time all is said and done. With all the rejections this past year or 2, personally and professionally I will have skin so thick nothing will penetrate it. Or so you'd think. I called FSKK today and was told, ONCE AGAIN, that I came second in the hunt for new environment and energy manager... I don't know if it's the company line and that's what they always say to people not selected but I heard through other people that I came second the last time around and then today when I was talking to my boss and told her about this she said that she has a very strong understanding and knowledge that I came second in the project coordinator job at HAMK Forssa as well. 3rd time is NOT the charm! And here I thought 3 was my lucky number...

After my SETA training in Tampere I got the itch to move there again. I truly think that Tampere is my spiritual home in Finland. And maybe all these rejections in Forssa are really a sign that I'm not supposed to stay here. That my life and purpose are somewhere else. I would love to move abroad but I think I need some job experience first. And I have tons of loans to pay. I would love to just up and leave and go to Swansea or London or Brussels but I have no job or money to do that. I was listening to Stereophonics yesterday morning on my way to work and this longing for Swansea just washed over me. I NEED to get a job so that I can afford to go back. Within the next year I will return there for a vacation. Swansea definitely IS my spiritual home. I feel like I'm half Welsh, I just love it there. I love the city, I love the people, I love the country, the scenery, the pubs, the beach...it's magical. It's peaceful. It's home.

Right now, though, I need to update my CV...have a job I need to apply for tomorrow.

Later

I will let you in on a secret

I probably shouldn't do this just because I might need this name later on...but I have to share. Once upon a time I made up these names for myself if I ever had to be on witness protection program, which at the time was very unlikely because it was BT, before Tiffany, and I had NO ties to USA. This was all a joke so don't take it so seriously. I thought that it would be good to have an English name which was close to mine and after we spent 5 weeks in Brussels in 2004 and studied French I made up a French name too. And now someone has taken my name!!! My English name was Jennifer van Kemp which is close to mine, but englishized. And that's a new word I just made up so don't bother looking it up! And my French was Jennique Kemboise. And now as I was reading a Finnish tabloid I found out that Jenni Vartiainen, a famous and talented Finnish singer has named her company Jenique Oy!

SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! What are the chances??? SERIOUSLY!

Coming to Dunkin Donuts near you!

Well at least if you live in Montclair NJ or NYC, NY! I will be in the area May 4th to 8th. Finally bought the tickets today. Couldn't wait anymore for jobs to call so I went and bought them. Had an epiphany today. What am I waiting for? If I get a job beforehand, if they really want me they'll understand.  And I really really need to go get my stuff. I am so sick of the same clothes in short circles and I am so ready to move on. Let's get this party started!

I think it's awesome...NOT, how the religious right wing fundamentalists have arrived in Finland. A campaign is telling teenagers how they can be "cured" from homosexuality by christianity. If you pray for it... right. Just when the Church is coming around a little then these assholes come out and tell the struggling gay teens that they can get better, they can be converted into heterosexuality. Like it's a choice to be gay. IT'S NOT!!! They are spreading homophobia...not cool people!

That's my happy news and rant for the day! Later

Lottery numbers

I am going to need suggestions for my lottery numbers. For the past 5 years I've used the same 7 numbers with a little variance. They consist of mine and T's birthdays and our current and next age(s). As much fun as it would be if I won a lot of money using T's age and birthday as my numbers, I think it's time to move on. So now what? Do I go back to the ones I had before I met her? Do I maybe change them to our break up date? Do I choose some random numbers? And if yes, how do I choose? I just put the lottery numbers for the next 5 weeks and after that it's bye bye 4, 35 and 36. Well, 36 might stay but it all depends on where I go with the new numbers. So I am open for suggestions if anybody has any.

If anyone has a chance to get the paper copy of today's Helsingin Sanomat, I suggest you read the article about discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity on page A17. A fellow Seta trainee from this past weekend, Lassi was interviewed for that article. It has his face and everything. He's only 16 but I was very impressed with his maturity and how together he seems. Great guy who will go to places. The web version has the article too and mentions him but it's shorter without the picture. And the paper version mentions "society where heterosexual(ism) is the norm". ALMOST my new favorite word heteronormative but I'll give them a pass just because it was almost mentioned. And I used that word few times today so it has been used.

It's been 5 months and few days since the break up and it's less than a month from what would have been our 5 year anniversary. I really wanted to go to NYC and get my stuff on the 14th of April which happens to be a Thursday and would have been the exact 5 year anniversary of us getting together...would have been kind of symbolic to go get my stuff 5 years after it all begun and close the circle so to speak but I do not have a place to stay that weekend so my symbolism is lost on the universe.  But it does get easier... slowly but surely. I even sang in the car today both ways. This morning it was Stereophonics and Corrs coming home. I got so excited about my idols material that I might've been over the speed limit more than once.  Tomorrow I might be channelling my inner Whitney Houston and Celine Dion...It really is too bad that I'm over the age limit for idols...but the world's loss is Kung Fu Panda's gain!

Now it's time for Glee. Apparently Blaine and Kurt finally smooched so I need to check it out.

Laterz!

Back to the future

I had a cup of coffee with a long lost friend Heidi yesterday after work. We didn't have drinks because she's preggers and about to pop any day now and I have to drive home afterwards so that just wouldn't be cool...and I will maintain my don't drink and drive policy till the day I die! I was able to not to drink and drive in USA and I'm not about to start now...anyway. It's been probably about 5 years since we last saw each other and it was great. We graduated together from Tampere so we've known each other for almost 10 years now. During our first or second year we did a presentation for a class, me, Heidi and Laura and instead of signing it with our real names we used Lil Gangsta. Lil something( can't remember what) and Ghetto Super Star. And these were posters so our "names" were there to be seen for everybody!

While we were talking she noticed an interesting point. It's interesting to me at least. I was telling her about all the people I've seen (again) since coming back and it came about that I'm kinda coming back to the future. I saw Anne who I haven't seen for about 17 years in January. We took Russian together in elementary school. Then last week I had coffee with Marika who I went to business school with in Hämeenlinna and whom I haven't seen in 12 years, and now Heidi. The level of education increases and the the years shorten as well. Now I'm working towards MSU and Candice! Because she's definitely on my shortlist of people to see in NJ when I go get my stuff. And it's funny...it'll be a full circle both school wise and as a end of my relationship. End of an era and time to move on. Forget the past for some parts and move towards the future.

Speaking of the future... I feel like a bad (Finnish) lesbian! I feel like I need a "Finnish lesbian for dummies" or "Finnish lesbian manual" on how to be one! This weekend as we were sharing our stories with the group, one guy said that when he was growing up he felt like a bad boy or a bad man, like he wasn't measuring up to what he was supposed to be or what was expected of him. I can kinda relate right now. Heidi and I were talking about maybe organizing a class reunion for our ENVI class this fall since it'll be 10 years since we started at TAMK and we were talking about some of our classmates that we haven't seen for a long time and who are not on Facebook. 2 of them we suspected of being lesbians, well one came out year before we graduated and the other we just couldn't tell. So I contacted one of my newly acquired lesbian friends from this weekend who happens to work for Seta Tampere and asked her if she knew either of them. She said no but have I tried this website? I didn't know what she was talking about... Then also on Sunday during people's stories someone told me they knew lesbians from Forssa. So I contacted her today and asked her about them. But she's also 8 or 9 years younger than me so her friends are also her age...my brothers age. Wouldn't know them just because of the age difference. And she suggested this website as well. So apart from just getting my training, this week is clearly proving to be educational and needed as I'm getting all kinds of advice that I CLEARLY need! I'm so much better equipped to be a NYC lesbian!

But that's it for now...I'm gonna go hang my head in shame.

Later!

Heteronormative

I have a new favorite word and I've been using it in a sentence many time since it was introduced to me on Saturday. And I can feel the preacher in me awakening so if you do not wanna hear, well read me rant, you are welcome to exit any time!

A New York State senator Carl Kruger who opposed the bill to introduce gay marriage in NYS 2009 has been outed as a gay man. What's even worse is that he's a democrat, NOT a republican. But it's also true that the biggest homophobes sometimes are gay themselves and their self loathing is so strong that they oppose their own rights. As a big opponent of (the finnish parties) "christian democrats" and "perus suomalaiset" (loosely translated into basic finns) and having done the online election polls and getting representatives from both of those parties as my top candidates, I have to wonder if secretly deep down I'm really a christian democrat and persu all wrapped in one! The reason I'm so appalled by this is because the leader of CD's is a known gay rights opponent and very polarizing figure Päivi Räsänen, whom I've mentioned many times on my posts and don't think I need to mention again, except for a funny little thing later on. Perussuomalaiset are against immigration, they think that Finland should take even less immigrants and evacuees and that they come here to live on our social security. I have not researched their foreign, economic or other policies because those 2 reasons are strong enough for me to NEVER vote for either party. But I gotta wonder if really deep down I am christian and hate foreign people? And what's worse, should I join a congregation???

Now for the funny little story about PR. This might not even be all that funny in English but the Finns will get it. It was brought to my attention on Sunday that PR had written a post on her blog where she stated that according to the Nature agency of Finland year 2011 is the year of Lepakko (in English a bat) which lesbians are sometimes called. And that the protection of bats/lepakko's should be increased, information on them should be made more available and prejudice against them should be decreased. And she ended it all with "How will you celebrate the year of Lepakko?" So if we follow the logic from the previous chapter, does this mean that PR is actually either "Lepakko" herself or that she actually is on our side even though she says otherwise in public????? Here's the link for her blog

http://www.paivirasanen.fi/ajankohtaista/17-blogit/376-lepakoiden-vapaaehtoisten-lottien-metsien-kemian-ja-afrikkalaisen-alkuperaen-juhlavuosi

So this past weekend I received my training to become a volunteer trainer for SETA so that I can go to schools etc and talk about SETA, it's purpose and about being gay. We were taught what to say, what not to say, which topics to talk about etc. It was probably one of the most amazing weekends I've ever had. Certainly the best since coming back to Finland. I felt so at home, so at peace, so at ease and so energized! There were 12 of a us trainees, the trainer, the youth coordinator from Seta and the social secretary for Seta Tampere, our host organization for the weekend. It felt so good to talk to and be around "my people" which I've totally missed since coming back. I never had a community here before I moved to USA and my community there is also Tiffany's community. We either met people together or they were hers to begin with. It is very difficult to talk to people who I know are friends with Tiffany too. So at least I have my own community and contacts now! They understand me the way only a fellow gaymo can! Now lets get training!!!

And the great thing about this weekend was also that I got to spend some quality time with Sir Edward the cat since I spend the night at Saara's. Thank you once again for the place to stay and for my cat therapy!

Oh yeah...my "drunk with power" moment about having a car is fading...it's still nice but DAMN that gas is expensive! After 2 weeks I'm down over 100 euros! Cheaper than taking the bus but still! Anyway... it gets better as they say and things are looking up!

Later!

I'm drunk with power!

So little time, so much to write about. And so tired. So I'm gonna make this short and quick.

• Why didn't anybody ever tell me how much fun having a car at your disposal is??? I'm totally loving it! Yesterday I went to get kebab after seeing Toy Story 3 with Arttu and and after I ate I went to have coffee and catch up with Marita. And had I not had the car, I would have just stayed at home. So much fun! 
• We laughed our asses off with Marita again. She comes up with some funny stuff. There was something in the air yesterday though because I laughed hysterically during Toy Story 3 and then at Marita's. And it just didn't stop.
• Today after work I drove to Hameenlinna and met up with a girl I went to business school with 12 years ago! And it has probably been 12 years since we last saw each other. It's great to catch up with old friends.
• Work is good, I'm getting busy and and connected. Not like mafia connected but connected. You figure it out.
• Had a job interview again on Monday...let's hope my commute will soon consist of crossing the street.
• Seta training is this weekend! WOO HOO! Should be amazing!
• Kela cancelled my benefits... working for a month creates a LOT of bureaucracy! 

That's it for now...I have a great topic for a blog but it will take so long that I need to be more alert and awake for it. Gonna watch Glee and then maybe hit the sheets. Not really sleeping well but haven't been exhausted at work this week...last week was rough though. I looked and felt like a zombie!

Later!