Dear Santa

I've survived the first month. It hasn't been easy and I don't expect it to anytime soon but the random crying bursts have subsided for the most part. The hardest part so far has been the distance, the silence. Not being able to talk every day. And letting go of the future. That's hard. Every day there is something to remind me of something I wanted from our future but can't have anymore. The normal things you want with your partner. Your nieces knowing who you are...I look at the pictures of Adriana and get so sad because we will never get to know each other. I see a picture of Carly and get so sad because I will never get to know what she's gonna be like when she grows up. And she'll soon forget all about me. Nenni will just be a distant memory for her. I miss Sox and Bailey and their antics, taking over the bed in the middle of the night, cuddling with them, Sox acting all malnourished and yelling like she's never seen any food. Bailey hiding under pillows or in the litter box during storms...and T. This will get even harder as x-mas comes closer...As stressful as american x-mas can be with the million people you should give gifts to, it was also awesome family celebration. To me and T x-mas meant running around from one branch of her family to another, but nonetheless it was good times. And I will miss our eggnog ritual. And I just got my own stocking last year...unheard of!

I wrote to santa on facebook. Told him I've been a good girl and know that job and money are not something he can give me (seems that nobody can) but I could use a kitty cat or a kitten. I need the company and the love. And therapy. So if I could get a cat for x-mas, I'd be happy. I really want a cat since I lost my step kids. Those 2 were and are the best kitties in the world. So that's all....a kitty or 2. Maybe just 1 for now. Thank You.