Affair to remember

I'm having an affair.
I'm cheating on my reality.
I've seen her twice.
I can't wait to spend more time with her.
But it's over.
Next year?
Next summer?
PRIDE.

There really are no words for the calm, excited feeling washing over me at Pride's. Going to Helsinki Pride was amazing and even though Tampere Pride was a smaller event in scale, there is nothing better than new friends and old friends and being able to just be yourself and not having to apologize for who you are. Just. be. yourself.

Saturday was amazing. I got to march on a float, have a picnic with great new friends, have drinks with and old but oh so dear friend, listen to Taylor Swift covers played acoustically...and just. be. me. What more can a girl ask for?

At the picnic we participated in a final thesis survey and as a result could participate in a raffle that gave out tickets to Gareth Gates' gig. I won, Ella won and Heidi got 2 chances to get it right. Since Minna was not there with us, she actually had to work, I went to the girl who gave out the tix and asked her if I could possibly get an extra one for our friend. She gave one to me. See, ask and you shall receive!

After the picnic I went to Saara's place to take a shower and change. Once again it was a hot and humid day. I had to get ready to have drinks with Susanna. It was so great to see her after all these years. We kind of picked up right where we left off. And we had a lot of catching up to do. I came out to her via text 5 years ago and we hadn't seen each other since so I wasn't exactly sure how she took it and how she'd handle it. But we had an interesting conversation about it.

She was like I knew way before you were a lesbian.
I was like You did? How?
She's like Remember when you asked me what me and Markus were to each other, if we were dating?
I'm like No...
She's like Well, you had me call him and ask him if we were dating right then and there.
I'm like I did? I don't remember...
She's like yeah, and after that you told me you don't know who you are...I knew then.
I'm like You did? Why didn't you say anything to me?
She's like I couldn't tell you. It wasn't my place.
I'm like But you could have! You could have saved me from so many mistakes...you could have saved me from sleeping with men!!!
And she's like I couldn't. And I also knew from how jealous you were of me.
I'm like Yeah, I was...I was so jealous of you...But I didn't have a crush on you...I don't have a feeling that I let anything slip by me, that there's anyone that I should have been with but didn't understand what I was feeling...But had I've been more aware of who and what I was, I could have been different. Sorry.

So my best friend knew 12 years ago...My mom said she asked me once, before I came out, if I was a lesbian and I denied it. And I guess in all honesty, if people would have told me I was a lesbian before I was ready, I probably would have disowned them. I wasn't ready to face it and I certainly wasn't ready to have people tell me or question me. And I would not be the ME I am today had things gone differently earlier so I guess I should thank Susanna for NOT saying anything to me. And I had the internal homophobe in me which would have denied it all and probably made even bigger mistakes in order to proof people wrong so...

We spent amazing 3 hours reminiscing about all the wonderful things we did in the past and promised to stay in touch. I think I got my friend back. (Insert huge grin here). The girls had changed the plans and instead of going to see Gareth Gates they just wanted to stay at YO-talo and see Stina Girs instead. I didn't know anything about her but I gotta say...thanks you girls for making this decision! She was playing Taylor Swift covers acoustically and I was in heaven. For the past few weeks all I've listened to is Taylor Swift and Colbie Caillat and as country is not really big in Finland, especially the pop country that T.S. plays, You don't have many chances to hear it. When Stina's CD comes out I might actually have to get it!

We left around 1:30-2am, I went to get some food and headed to bed. Eetu, Saara's cat was all kinds of wild throughout the night but he was so cute that you just can't be mad at him for more than a second. Having him pull out all his cute cards, one of witch is playing fetch, did nothing to squash my acute need/desire/want to get a cat.

Now I'm all kinds of shade of red as I might have forgot to put any sunscreen on...actually don't own any...and I burnt my shoulders and neck and my nose is red...maybe in few days I'll be 4 shades of darker-than-my-usual-white. Which will still be whiter than most people.

So...that was my perfect Saturday. Pictures to follow after Heidi sends me some of me and once I have time to upload mine to my computer.

Have a great week everyone!