I am staring at my diaries from my teenage years and I'm terrified.
I both want to read them and don't...
I'm afraid to read what I was feeling back then...
I'm afraid I'll flinch at what I've written...
I'm afraid of the blatantly obvious fact that I am SO GAY...
I'm afraid of the blatantly obvious fact that I was so IN DENIAL...
I'm terrified.
In some ways I get very bad moral hangovers. I do not forgive myself easily when it comes to doing stupid things. When I mess up. And unfortunately I do have regrets. I wouldn't be in this bad shape if I didn't have regrets. Right now there are things that I am trying to overcome, trying to figure out and in order to do that I need to read those diaries.
Scary.
Terrified!
P.S. Today would have been my dad's 61st birthday if he was still alive.
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